bsmiles and sunny days

Last year, after Clinton turned five, I decided it was time to start pursuing a career in writing more seriously. I started doing the work in research and listening to mentors talk about the craft of writing. I don't know why I thought I could just start unraveling my heart on paper and it would be dazzling and someone would want to, need to, be compelled to publish it. I am, however, a born writer, and maybe that's why I thought the words would be enough. I heard someone say once that "writers wake up thinking about what they will write each day." That about sums up my whole life. I've been writing down book ideas for as long as I can remember. I jot down images and quotes and titles all day, everyday, in hopes of someday weaving each precious idea into a tapestry that moves peoples hearts to Christ. The momentum was really starting to build when I started my FB page. It's a good venue, right? I don't know for sure. Are people really looking at it? It get...

After we got our first dog, I never wanted another one. My kids loved him, my husband loved him, but to me he was just another chore on my unending check list of things that needed to be done. Then we got Max, a wild boxer with endless energy and crazy shenanigans. We thought he was so clever when he learned how to open the sliding glass door to let himself outside. It was infuriating when we got home one day, and he had dragged all of our couch cushions into the yard so that he would have more room to toss them into the air and tear the stuffing out of them. Our REAL couch cushions, the ones we sat on! I had to scrub all the sand off of them and sew up all the seams in order to sit on the couch again! He would run out the door every chance he got, and I’d be out there, six months pregnant, chasing him around the neighborhood, screaming at him and crying like I was insane. He made me feel like I was going insane. Then we got Jasper, a 90 pound boxer. Jasper came to us in the tinies...

When I was in the 5th grade, my little brother and I were at home one evening when I had this great idea. He could spot me while I learned to do a back walkover. He was in the third grade, so this was a very good idea. I had never had any prior gymnastics experience, so of course I would attempt this very difficult move by hurling myself into a handstand and hoping my feet would land just right. When I actually hit the handstand, I panicked and fell out of it sideways. The pop that he said "sounded not really like a firecracker, but more like a ladyfinger" was actually my collarbone snapping apart. That was the catalyst of my initial weight gain as a result of sitting out of gym class, and everything else too, except TV. Doctor's orders, I was pretty sure. What I recognize now that I didn't know then, is that weight gain is common for this age group, not just the girls sitting on the sidelines. It's a natural pattern to gain weight in adolescence to prepare f...

He bids me, though I wander, standing off, feeling afraid, to lay my worries down with all the promises I’ve made. Live no longer with a weight of knowing when or how, “Come and die, my love,” He calls me, “come die with me...” just now. A race down to the bottom, freely give it all away. Give up rights and expectations made along the way “Let it go, love, you can trust me,” by His voice you know it’s true, “Come and die, and you will live in true abundance, Me with you.”

Your children will become versions of you.  Be the version you love as often as possible.  My daughter was gracious enough to come over and spend the night so that we could go play an all night domino tournament with friends away from home. She had to leave early the next morning. It was probably two days later when I noticed this little gem on my fridge.  There’s so much I love about this, I can’t even... but I’ll try. A few weeks before she stayed the night, she was over and noticed one of these notes on the fridge for my little birds still in the nest. Usually my note is more like a list of chores along with my sentiments following. She said, “One thing I love about living away from home is not waking up to these lists!” 😂 Ironically, she reciprocated that very thing when she was in charge.  It means she sees the value in it.  It means she is doing what I do without me ever having told her to do it.  It means her heart is tender t...

I’ve lived in the basement for seven years. We moved out of our first-ever master bedroom out of necessity for the accountability and security of all of our people. It was easier to manage a baby and two toddlers that way, too. Teenagers upstairs, little ones down. I spent those years dutifully picking up after the tv parties every night, wiping down the toilet before I sat on it every time, and buried in blankets because, well, it was a basement. We had no walls, no door, minimal privacy and no end in sight. The little girls moved upstairs at one point leaving me hopeful, but one of our grown children needed a layover here between career paths, and we happily welcomed her in. All this time I prayed that someday the Lord, in His infinite mercy, would restore to me walls and a door and privacy. Dale was content to stay in the basement, hoping to make it a private refuge, the whole lot of it. I was not on the same page, but I was willing to stay if he had his heart set on it. T...

They tried to tell us marriage would be hard. Once when we were engaged, a seasoned older marriage couple drilled us on how many kids we would have, how we would manage difficulties, and what we would do about each other’s idiosyncrasies. We scoffed at their doubts about the strength of our love. They actually got in a fight while they were talking to us, which further fueled our confidence. It wasn’t long before we realized it would take more than confidence to arrive at a safe place in our marriage. Undoubtedly those early days were powered by passion. Who knows what love is when you’ve only known each other a year? We certainly trusted God to know what He was doing when we were questioning how we even got together after only a few weeks married. It was the sovereignty of God and time that fastened us... time is a powerful solidifying agent. Forgiveness, also, becomes a necessary balm on the wounds of a marriage, one that must be applied over and over and over and o...