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bsmiles and sunny days

"Be desirous of doing the will of another, rather than thine own. Choose always to have less, rather than to have more. Seek always to have the lowest place, and to be inferior to everyone. Wish always, and pray, that the will of God may be wholly fulfilled in Thee." E. Prentiss

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- October 17, 2011

"I'm covering up this! I don't want to watch this. It's too scary!"

Deishypants

Pants

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quicksand

- June 29, 2021

I had my first hand-held video game when I was in grade school. It had two buttons, L and R, that were used to dodge cars and debris in the road. I was insanely jealous when my brother was given a watch that he could play Pac-Man on. I love video games. I love them too much. When Dale and I were first married I used to sit at the computer and play Burger Shop for hours and hours. As a young mom I spent all my free moments playing Solitaire on the desktop. In my darkest depression I played Diner Dash while the days and weeks passed unnoticed. I can remember feeling the shame of wasting so much time staring at a screen. My hand would cramp up from holding the mouse, and instead of taking that as a cue to stop, I’d shake my hand out and keep clicking away. My vices, while they may seem harmless, entrap me nonetheless. Sugar and video games work like quicksand. I dip my toes in and before I know it I’m sick to my stomach and I can’t move my hand. Pornography is an easy dodge. Overind...

The Days

- August 14, 2023

I found this butterfly on the sidewalk one day. It was lifeless perfection. I couldn’t help but wonder if it just fell out of the sky mid-flight when the end came. It feels like that every time someone I know dies. The end comes abruptly and unexpectedly. It catches in my throat when I think about it. Sometimes there is no warning at all. When Dale’s dad died, I kept thinking, “That’s it. He crossed the finish line without seeing it coming.” There was no time to get better at living. There was no grand finale. It was game over. I’ve always lived with this idea that someday I’ll feel like I’ve arrived on a plateau where I can say, “This is it! This is the place I’ve been working toward all these years.” I’m starting to believe that doesn’t exist here. God designed us to faithfully walk with Him, day by day, through mountains and valleys, good times and bad, always moving but never arriving. With that knowledge, I want my regular, ordinary everydays to bring glory to the...

For the Joy: Chapter 5

- February 14, 2022

FOR THE JOY CHAPTER 5 Anchor This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, a hope both sure and steadfast and one which enters within the veil. Heb. 6:19 In the fall of 2018, my daughter made the shocking announcement that she had enlisted in the Marines. She was over the moon. We were shellshocked. She had committed herself to this incredible path for her life, and I was happy for her. But the marines? I couldn’t imagine my girl fighting alongside a band of the roughest, toughest people she would ever encounter. When her lease ended, she and her dogs moved out of their apartment and back into our house. For the next few months, she worked full-time, exercised endlessly, and set her sights on shipping out to boot camp in the spring. I knew God’s plans would prevail, but I was more than a little nervous about sending my 20-year-old daughter across the country and releasing her to the drill sergeants. I tried to change her mind. Marines were trained like modern day Sparta...