paying the piper

 I feel like the long dark winter has already settled. I've been watching the news reels like a hawk, hedging my bets against the odds. Hoping for some kind of validation in my hunches. Trolling one news sight after the next for some new insight into our nation's future. 

And then I stopped.

This morning I shut off the alarm on my phone at 7am and left it on my bedside table. My impulses fired over and over to go and check "just one thing," but I let them starve and did a puzzle instead. I took the kids to the park. We ate McDonald's cheeseburgers and then took a nap. When Dale got home at the end of the day, I felt a quiet in my soul that I haven't felt in a long, long time. 

I have written about this addiction to my phone and the news and social media, as an attempt to give myself some accountability. It's so easy to talk about how addictive it is, and how it corrupts your peace, and how it shifts your thinking from what is good and true, to conspiracy and polarization. But it's just as easy to "just check one thing" and get sucked into it, only to lose hours and find yourself angry and depressed. 

I don't feel angry or cheated or discouraged today. I feel quiet in my soul because I didn't pay the piper with my time and attention. I spent some time meditating on what is pure, honest and lovely. I listened when my kids told me stories, except when they got too long and I forgot to pay attention. That happens sometimes. 

In my quiet time, I learned something really important. I've spent way too much of my life looking past my people, and focusing on what I can give to other people. I've dreamed of all the books I would write and all the times I would speak into lives, and stayed informed of current events so that I will be prepared for... for what?? The greatest thing I can do in this life is love God and love my family and model the goodness of a righteous life in Christ to others. Outside of that, I'm shooting for the moon and missing out on the very best part. I might forget tomorrow. I'm incredibly forgetful. But today, I know what's true and I feel better because of it. 

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.