bsmiles and sunny days

Listen, I am in a whirlwind of change!! My days are full of busy excitement as we near the end of this eighth reign of hormones! And look forward to a precious new addition to our bustling household! I have stumbled terribly in my pursuit of healthy eating which has caused an excessive increase in my weight. This makes me sad. I have unrealistic expectations of having a basketball pregnancy, at least once. Clearly it's not going to happen. My basketball is more like a half deflated beachball. I mean seriously... I've been inflating and deflating for almost a decade. How can I expect it to look any better than this? I should be thankful that my uterus is even able to hang in there for another round! And I choose to be grateful for that starting now!!! ....rather than resent my stomach for not being picturesque. Blasted Pregnancy magazine! Why do you haunt me so!?! I am excited about a writing project I began a few weeks ago. The Lord has set a fire in my heart and I have set my ...

The kids and I arrived in Emporia yesterday afternoon.  Its bittersweet to be "home". I love coming back for any reason. I love sitting up late with my sweet mama as she busily finishes up details from the day and preparations for tomorrow. She is truly an inspiration.  I love getting up early enough on the weekends to have coffee with my dad before he takes off to start his list of todos. I love that my kids have their own space and some much needed privacy in their own rooms, but I still find them all piled up in the tiniest bedroom watching batman cartoons together. It's bitter to be away from Dale. The first night, I miss him. The second night I wish he was going to be come. By the third night and each following, I barely sleep and anxiously await every text and phone call. Who knew my world could become so intricately engrossed in another human being. It's been this way for years, but I've never been so keenly aware of it as I am this year, being apart weeks ...

Radical Gratitude. I am floundering all morning to keep my composure, right? In the midst of the chaos I leave the room and start reading this book. It's something I never make time to do, so it's an escape. It is awesome: beautifully written, insightful, and it sent me into hysterics. I am hormonal in a way that I have yet to experience thus far in my life.Maybe by the eighth pregnancy, a woman's body stops measuring and just starts dumping hormones randomly into her system. Whatever the case, I am getting some perspective. The Lord is kind to me and full of mercy to remind me of all there is to be grateful for. Lvb

Update:  I am still eating under control, exercising five times a week, and asking God to keep me in check. In other news: I feel like I am going under. Last night I started to let the floodgates down, and there was a torrent of emotion that I am unable to explain. I am still fighting to put a lid on the tears 12 hours later. I know it's hormonal. That knowledge is no less upsetting than if I had a more reasonable explanation for my sadness. I am fighting depression everyday. I feel displaced. Maybe its because my house is such a mess. Or because I am exhausted from doing even the bare minimums. I feel guilty for neglecting the mountainous emotional needs of these precious ones placed in my care. I sort of pride myself on their self-sufficiency but and landblasted when their hearts are laid bare and they are needy and unattended under all of that responsibility. Who am I that God would continue to extend His blessing to me in this desperate and wretched estate? What really matters ...

The Lord has been good to me. Somehow He has flipped the switch, and I am back in control of this blasted eating issue!  It seems like when I am off, I am a crazy mess. When I am on, nothing can stop me! Even pregnant, I believed that it was impossible for me to eat with self-control, but the Lord has done the impossible.  All praise be to God! Having a plan in place has helped immensely. For instance, today I went to Burger King with my homegirls for lunch. I was excited to figure out what I could eat within the boundaries of my plan. That made it so that I had no trouble eating only what was on the list. I have to be honest, I am tired again and having what feels like hot flashes on occasion. I'm not sure if it is the sudden change in eating or the new flood of hormones attributed the third trimester. I have to believe that eating a balanced diet and exercising is a blessing for this baby and in no way a curse. So far, smooth sailing! Woohoo!! Thank you for praying and stand...

I passed! I passed!! I passed I passed I passed! No gestational diabetes for me! Woooooohooooo! I am not going to let this new resolve go, though. It is better to be in control than out of control. God is helping me moment by moment. I just can't deny His leading in this. Woohooo!! Thank you for praying.  I need it so much!! Lvb

I still don't know about the 3 hr test results, but I do know this.  I am ready. My body needs the change and craves it. I have been eating on the plan, logging the food on myfitnesspal.com, and sniffing out some accountability. This is my third successful day, and I feel so much better already! I don't feel like I am denying myself anything. I guess it's because I am eating more of what I need so I am satisfied. Starting out I intend to weigh everyday. Its sketchy, I know, but that little motivation is a great way to start the day. Don't get me wrong, I amn ot looking to get skinny. Seriously. I'm pregnant. I have a baby that needs to be fed! However, weight is mathematic; calories in, calories out. For months now, I have been eating like a ravenous animal and gaining like crazy. If I pull out the stops to keep track of everything that  goes in my mouth, I will lose some before I level out and start gaining again. You think I'm crazy? I need to change. I have t...