bsmiles and sunny days

I'm so sick. Of course I saved all my work for the end of  the week so I could have a squeaky clean house when Dale came home. Then I laid in bed all day. I'm up now. Hoping to get all that squeaky cleaning done in the next hour so I can go back to bed. Ugh... I wish I had a video recorder going at all times so you could hear my little girls singing and some of the wacky antics of the boys or the screaming and laughing from the big girls. But today I'm glad you can't see into our world. It's kind of a mess and I am a lazy cow. This is what it comes down to. I may be the glue in this house but Dale is the structure. He gives our lives deadlines and goals and destinations. I don't do well without him. Maybe I have needed a break but mostly I am very very lazy if I can be. And that's what it comes down to. I'm ready for him to be home. I adore him so... Don't get sick, friends. Once it moves in, in never goes ...

4:30 am I am wide awake. Dale is gone It storming Fan is blowing It's the perfect combination for sleep But I'm wide awake. A few things... I'm sick. I've been sick off and on for months. I get better and then my lymph nodes swell up And I wake up in the middle of the night Sore and parched. I'm worried. 15 weeks pregnant and I haven't told my boss. I have a hunch she knows Buuuut I fear it will hurt her feelings That I haven't told her. I didn't want her to worry. Now I'm worried. Funny. I am brainstorming how to quit my job And still bring in some income. I have done a few things recently In the budget that will help. Not enough. So here I am awake. Wiiiiiiiide awake. I'm thinking about turning the tv on. No reason I can't, I'm all alone down here. It's a strange feeling, To be all alone. I've been considering Beginning a writing project. My life as a novel. Someone suggested it years ago...

I got up early and went to work. I came home early from work and planned frozen pizza for dinner since the older kids and Dale would be gone all night. I was reeling from the possibilities of what I could do with all that time I'd have to myself after the little ones went to bed. So after we ate dinner, I decided to put the bunk beds back up. The three little girls live in one room one the main floor with too many toys and about twice that much trash between the three of them. It makes me crazy. So I thought, hey, Micah's here, and together we could put up the bunk beds in a flash. Hahahahhahahahahahahaha... So I got out my drill and went to work but first I had to clear a path to the beds. Then I had to gather up some of the piles of stuff into a trash bag to get it out of the way. Then after I moved the beds out from the wall, removed the mattresses, piled a huge mountain of stuff on Scarlette's junior bed, I put the drill to the hexbo...

The power of the Gospel is something to consider. The Gospel is God's message of SALVATION and JUSTICE to the world. It's not just the good news of love and mercy, even though it is that. It's the whole truth.  Those who are in the flesh cannot please God. It's a critical part of the Gospel message that is rarely preached. The Gospel is the heart of God to humanity. Your confession of faith is only the beginning. We are memorizing Romans 8 as a family. Maybe that's why it's so prevalent in my mind. Listen to what it says. "...for if you are living according to the flesh you must die; but if by the Spirit you are putting to death the deeds of the flesh you will live. For all who are being led by the Spirit of God, these are the sons of God." If you're not, then you're not. I've been in church a long time. I've listened to Dale rant for a long time about how the Gospel isn't being preached in churc...

I've been reading. I don't know what it is about GK Chesterton that pushes me into serious thought but he does. I keep mulling these thoughts over and over in my mind... Life in Christ is not an emotional thrill ride. If yours is you might want to check your ticket. I lived this way for years. When I didn't feel anything, I was lost. There was nothing to my faith past the weekly tears and joy the kneeling and leaping. My occasional Bible reading hardly laid a foundation for my understanding of who God is. Loving Jesus is so much more. The gospel message of Jesus Christ in action leaves little to be desired. It's deeply satisfying. It's rich and abundant. But it's not always emotional. I am so thankful to know the work of the Holy Spirit in my life, apart from the shenanigans. Seeking the Lord out of obedience, Studying His Word out of obedience. Praying without ceasing out of obedience creates depth that cannot be explained...

I had a minor infection. All those visits, heels in the stirrups, biopsies, self-diagnoses, to learn that I have a mild infection that should clear itself up. It's funny, after that first visit, the one with the doctor that recommended a hysterectomy before my exam, I actually said the words, "I don't need my uterus anymore." It's been good to me. Adios. Some good friends recommended otherwise. A hysterectomy, while it seemed like a quick and easy fix, was not the answer. Praise God in His sovereignty. He knew better. I was scheduled to say goodbye to my uterus on January 22nd. You can imagine my surprise when that very day I saw a barely-there line on a pregnancy test. Three days of pregnancy tests with faint lines was evidence enough for me. I guess I'm not quite done with my uterus after all. In fact, I believe I'll house it as long as possible. It's been good to me, It's the least I can do. Seriously...

  Beautiful girl... Happy birthday, Jas! You are a treasure.   lvb