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bsmiles and sunny days

"Be desirous of doing the will of another, rather than thine own. Choose always to have less, rather than to have more. Seek always to have the lowest place, and to be inferior to everyone. Wish always, and pray, that the will of God may be wholly fulfilled in Thee." E. Prentiss

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- August 17, 2011

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quicksand

- June 29, 2021

I had my first hand-held video game when I was in grade school. It had two buttons, L and R, that were used to dodge cars and debris in the road. I was insanely jealous when my brother was given a watch that he could play Pac-Man on. I love video games. I love them too much. When Dale and I were first married I used to sit at the computer and play Burger Shop for hours and hours. As a young mom I spent all my free moments playing Solitaire on the desktop. In my darkest depression I played Diner Dash while the days and weeks passed unnoticed. I can remember feeling the shame of wasting so much time staring at a screen. My hand would cramp up from holding the mouse, and instead of taking that as a cue to stop, I’d shake my hand out and keep clicking away. My vices, while they may seem harmless, entrap me nonetheless. Sugar and video games work like quicksand. I dip my toes in and before I know it I’m sick to my stomach and I can’t move my hand. Pornography is an easy dodge. Overind...

finishing

- November 19, 2020

I was in an English class in high school studying handwriting analysis when I learned something really insightful about myself. I'm not a finisher. When I write my name without a real concerted effort, I start with big, strong letters, scrawl out the middle and end with a swoosh rather than anything legible. If you tried to interpret it, you might guess my name is Rebew Sutt. This is very telling. I am a visionary. I start strong, work diligently for about 80% of the project, and then finish with a scribble or a line or a pile of supplies and tools in the garage, leaving the last 20% undone indefinitely. That's why it felt like such a big deal to me when I placed the last piece in this puzzle. Early in the spring, Dale registered us for the ETS Annual Meeting in Rhode Island. He booked airfare, rented a car, and reserved our room. I was over the moon in anticipation of it. I love that part of the country and couldn't wait to go back. By the end of the summer, the conference...

baeba

- April 09, 2021

Yesterday the podiatrist called and said that Dale’s follow-up appointment would be 3 hours long. He needed an IV antibiotic infusion to treat an infection in the bone. Today I am grateful for so many things. When the doctor removed the bandages, Dale’s foot already showed incredible improvement. I’m so glad that we felt the urgency to go back and get his foot checked. If they hadn’t uncovered the infection, it could have transitioned from acute to chronic infection causing critical damage to the bone. I’m grateful that we were able to get a comfortable couch with a recliner before the procedure so that his recovery would be more bearable. With that, I hate to admit it, but I’m thankful that we were given a TV for the living room. It’s a good distraction from the chaos and these walls. Mostly I’m thankful that in all of this we have seen the continual providence of God. He is laying the groundwork for each step before we even know we need it. A comfy couch doesn’t see...