bsmiles and sunny days

The kids and I arrived in Emporia yesterday afternoon.  Its bittersweet to be "home". I love coming back for any reason. I love sitting up late with my sweet mama as she busily finishes up details from the day and preparations for tomorrow. She is truly an inspiration.  I love getting up early enough on the weekends to have coffee with my dad before he takes off to start his list of todos. I love that my kids have their own space and some much needed privacy in their own rooms, but I still find them all piled up in the tiniest bedroom watching batman cartoons together. It's bitter to be away from Dale. The first night, I miss him. The second night I wish he was going to be come. By the third night and each following, I barely sleep and anxiously await every text and phone call. Who knew my world could become so intricately engrossed in another human being. It's been this way for years, but I've never been so keenly aware of it as I am this year, being apart weeks ...

Radical Gratitude. I am floundering all morning to keep my composure, right? In the midst of the chaos I leave the room and start reading this book. It's something I never make time to do, so it's an escape. It is awesome: beautifully written, insightful, and it sent me into hysterics. I am hormonal in a way that I have yet to experience thus far in my life.Maybe by the eighth pregnancy, a woman's body stops measuring and just starts dumping hormones randomly into her system. Whatever the case, I am getting some perspective. The Lord is kind to me and full of mercy to remind me of all there is to be grateful for. Lvb

Update:  I am still eating under control, exercising five times a week, and asking God to keep me in check. In other news: I feel like I am going under. Last night I started to let the floodgates down, and there was a torrent of emotion that I am unable to explain. I am still fighting to put a lid on the tears 12 hours later. I know it's hormonal. That knowledge is no less upsetting than if I had a more reasonable explanation for my sadness. I am fighting depression everyday. I feel displaced. Maybe its because my house is such a mess. Or because I am exhausted from doing even the bare minimums. I feel guilty for neglecting the mountainous emotional needs of these precious ones placed in my care. I sort of pride myself on their self-sufficiency but and landblasted when their hearts are laid bare and they are needy and unattended under all of that responsibility. Who am I that God would continue to extend His blessing to me in this desperate and wretched estate? What really matters ...

The Lord has been good to me. Somehow He has flipped the switch, and I am back in control of this blasted eating issue!  It seems like when I am off, I am a crazy mess. When I am on, nothing can stop me! Even pregnant, I believed that it was impossible for me to eat with self-control, but the Lord has done the impossible.  All praise be to God! Having a plan in place has helped immensely. For instance, today I went to Burger King with my homegirls for lunch. I was excited to figure out what I could eat within the boundaries of my plan. That made it so that I had no trouble eating only what was on the list. I have to be honest, I am tired again and having what feels like hot flashes on occasion. I'm not sure if it is the sudden change in eating or the new flood of hormones attributed the third trimester. I have to believe that eating a balanced diet and exercising is a blessing for this baby and in no way a curse. So far, smooth sailing! Woohoo!! Thank you for praying and stand...

I passed! I passed!! I passed I passed I passed! No gestational diabetes for me! Woooooohooooo! I am not going to let this new resolve go, though. It is better to be in control than out of control. God is helping me moment by moment. I just can't deny His leading in this. Woohooo!! Thank you for praying.  I need it so much!! Lvb

I still don't know about the 3 hr test results, but I do know this.  I am ready. My body needs the change and craves it. I have been eating on the plan, logging the food on myfitnesspal.com, and sniffing out some accountability. This is my third successful day, and I feel so much better already! I don't feel like I am denying myself anything. I guess it's because I am eating more of what I need so I am satisfied. Starting out I intend to weigh everyday. Its sketchy, I know, but that little motivation is a great way to start the day. Don't get me wrong, I amn ot looking to get skinny. Seriously. I'm pregnant. I have a baby that needs to be fed! However, weight is mathematic; calories in, calories out. For months now, I have been eating like a ravenous animal and gaining like crazy. If I pull out the stops to keep track of everything that  goes in my mouth, I will lose some before I level out and start gaining again. You think I'm crazy? I need to change. I have t...

One more signal regarding God's will for my eating habits came this week, when I failed my glucose test.  I sat in the doctors office for three hours today making a plan of action. I don't want to have gestational diabetes. I do, however, need some accountability. After my sister went through all of that, it really opened my eyes to the danger it can be to the baby. Just being borderline has been another reality check that may have been enough to shake me out of my gluttonous stupor. After my appointment, I stocked up on some high protein staple snacks and calculated a plan. I would have had a great day on the plan if I didn't have to drink the 450 calorie glucola first thing this morning. On the flip side, being over the calorie cutoff forced me to get on the treadmill. I still need to eat a snack later! Pray for me, that I will crave the love of our precious Lord more than I crave Brachs royals caramel candies.  Lvb

I have been bemoaning my insurgent weight gain for months; it came at me in such a hurry after my big loss.  I know I have complete control of this thing, but I feel out of control. So I have sort of been rolling around in my mind the necessity of cutting out sugar. It's silly, really.  I love sugar. I mean, I look forward to it after every meal and between each chore of my daily life. When I get up, when I go to bed, when it's cloudy or sunny. When I feel an emotion, any emotion... I sort of live for it. It's moderately become a problem. But I have considered giving it up. The thing is, I am pretty sure I can't do it. I have tried with minimal success. And why should I? Unless God is asking it of me. Maybe you think I am nuts. The reality is that when God speaks He confirms His voice in other ways, right? So last weekend my sweet mother-in-law brought me the book Made to Crave.  I started reading it at the doctor's office. It's basically about replacing your fo...

A slight chance of rain and an overcast sky is all I need to be the sweet girl I was born to be! We are sitting on the porch, the kids are running all over the yard, and there is a light, cool breeze blowing. There's no scorching sun, no suffocating heat, no threat of heat exhaustion creeping in. Ahhhh... I feel refreshed! So last night we had the "coming of age" talk with Tre. This is always unnerving for me, but it's necessary. It's easy for me, Dale leads the discussion. It's the content that gets me. I don't want my babies to be exposed to the adult world... but there is always a sweet reminder in all the akwardness. It's that God has a perfect design, beautiful in every way. And also that my husband is a strong and capable leader. I am reminded that he has not neglected the responsibilities of fatherhood. He provides for us diligently, he protects us all costs, he spends precious free time with us because he wans to. He's my hero. I'm the ...

Say it ain't so!! Trebo's 10!!! Where does the time go! We are celebrating in the very best way today! Started with an ice cream sundae for breakfast in bed, opened presents, heading to ChickFilA for lunch, and supporting traditional family values in the meantime. Later we will have the neighbor kids over for root beer floats and a giant birthday cookie. Then we will hunker down for the night with snacks and the Olympics. Iheartbirthdays!! Lvb