Night shift

People  think when you have had a lot of babies, you must know what you're doing. I can manage a baby and a busy household, that's true, but when nighttime comes, I feel like a first time parent. 

The baby is waking nearly every hour between ten and four o'clock. I tell myself, "This is ridiculous. He can't possibly need me every hour. I'm letting him cry the next time he wakes up." Then the next time comes... I let him cry for a minute, and I'm crazy, telling myself, "He doesn't feel good. My supply is low... He's my sweet boy, he'll be fearful if I don't rescue him..." I don't know what to do, so I just keep getting up.

I love that while I'm walking dead from bed to nursery to bed, I can hear life above me. My teenagers are doing who knows what upstairs at all hours, and it gives me joy because they are together. As concerned as I ought to be for their disciplines and habits, I'm more concerned about their love for one another and their sense of belonging being anchored in this ground. I didn't have that growing up. I was always the odd man out until I grew into my skin. Knowing my little birds will fly away and always have roots here, starting as early as now, is deeply gratifying.

Now if only I could remember how I taught them to sleep through the night, my life would be complete.

Zzzzzz

Lvb