So...
Let me ask you a question, and I really want a response because, honestly, I don't have anyone to talk to right now. There is something about the phone that inhibits conversation with everyone I talk to. It's so strange that distance automatically changes things. And so when I think about things I don't have anyone to bounce them off of. I miss my sister and I miss my friends. I'm not necessarily lonely, it's not something that I fret over most of the time, but when I'm sitting in church and these thoughts tumble through my mind, I want to hash them out with someone over a grilled cheese sandwich in my kitchen after the kids have gone out to play. I really just want to be apart of something and have someone that I can be myself with. I know it takes time, it just makes me miss home.
WOOHOO!!! On a sidenote, I have just successfully loaded the FIRST EVER blog photo of our family since we moved to California! And here it is! We drove out to Pismo beach *all the clams you can eat* and were not wildly impressed, although you can park right up on the waterfront and just go straight into the ocean. That was cool, because we don't have good beach chairs yet and I was freezing, so I sat in the back end of the truck, snuggled up in beach towels, and watched the kids play in the sand and chase waves. 
Up the road a littleways, we happened upon a little looky-loo where we saw probably fifteen sea lions lying on rocks, taking in the sun. It was just spectacular: the view, the wildlife, the pelicans. 
Then we went on to Avila Beach where there was a really lovely beach, parts of it less trafficked, and a long pier lined with fishermen and fish markets. We stopped at a little taco stand for a fish taco and one of the cooks came out, lifted my camera from the cupholder in our stroller, and snapped this picture for us. It was very cool. Just three tables away, a mother and her three boys were banging away with mallots and picking out pieces of crab on a table covered in newpaper. It was all very California-esque. 
From the pier we saw this sea lion gliding along on his back, eating a live crab. We also saw starfish stuck to the posts of the pier beneath the water, buried by seaweed. When the water moved the seaweed away, we happened to pass a man pointing them out to his wife. There was an orange one, a lavendar one, and a yellow one; they must have been twice the size of Dale's hand.
I spent a good twenty minutes trying capture the essence of a pelican to no avail. Kennedy insisted on having a shot at it to which I conceded. I wanted to catch them right over our heads, they are not shy of people. And they're giant, regal birds, swooping, and diving, and flying in formation from one location to the next. She managed to catch this guy right before a dive. It's a ways off, but you can see how powerful they are by the wingspan and the length of their beaks. I never paid them any mind until I saw one in real life, and now everytime we go to water, I can't take my eyes off of them. They are amazing creatures, just amazing.
These little buzzards, however, are greedy scavengers, worthy of no respect no matter how proud or docile he looks standing on the post.
Which brings me back to the question I want to ask. What do you think about? I mean, day in and day out , what occupies your thoughts? This morning in church the pastor talked about emptying yourself out so that God can fill you. Simple, right? And so I really probe my heart on this, who can I serve. I could offer to help with the music, I can go to the ladies' coffee and be a listening ear and laugh and connect with other women, I can help with the kids' program coming up next month, there are lots of opportunities to serve. But I am certain it was the Holy Spirit that brought my children to mind, the way I hold them off all day while I accomplish my list of things to do, which inadvertently benefit them, but generally I am busy, too busy to play or "watch this" all day until Dale comes home, then I clean up after dinner and we all go to the park across the street. They have my partial attention for a little while after the day is done, and then I'm tired and if they don't go right to sleep after I tuck them in, I become irrational and harsh because that's when I clock out. Haha. I clock out from my day job at 9:00 when the kids go to bed. Haha. My head is not right.
I'll think about it all week: it would be easier to pour myself out to total strangers, then to really truly serve my family. But what are we admonited to do from the Bible??? Seriously, to love our husbands and children, be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, kind, and subject to our husbands. It's right there in Titus if you need a reference. So how is my thinking so off that I put those obligations last? Oh, I am taking care of the necessities: cleaning, cooking, tending to drinks and diapers, but I've lost track of what really matters- and honestly, I am rarely kind. Believe it. I smile a lot, but it's like a default expression for me. I have so far to go in my faith; these simple things that are fundamental Christian values aren't even in my thinking.
WOOHOO!!! On a sidenote, I have just successfully loaded the FIRST EVER blog photo of our family since we moved to California! And here it is! We drove out to Pismo beach *all the clams you can eat* and were not wildly impressed, although you can park right up on the waterfront and just go straight into the ocean. That was cool, because we don't have good beach chairs yet and I was freezing, so I sat in the back end of the truck, snuggled up in beach towels, and watched the kids play in the sand and chase waves. 
Up the road a littleways, we happened upon a little looky-loo where we saw probably fifteen sea lions lying on rocks, taking in the sun. It was just spectacular: the view, the wildlife, the pelicans. 
Then we went on to Avila Beach where there was a really lovely beach, parts of it less trafficked, and a long pier lined with fishermen and fish markets. We stopped at a little taco stand for a fish taco and one of the cooks came out, lifted my camera from the cupholder in our stroller, and snapped this picture for us. It was very cool. Just three tables away, a mother and her three boys were banging away with mallots and picking out pieces of crab on a table covered in newpaper. It was all very California-esque. 
From the pier we saw this sea lion gliding along on his back, eating a live crab. We also saw starfish stuck to the posts of the pier beneath the water, buried by seaweed. When the water moved the seaweed away, we happened to pass a man pointing them out to his wife. There was an orange one, a lavendar one, and a yellow one; they must have been twice the size of Dale's hand.
I spent a good twenty minutes trying capture the essence of a pelican to no avail. Kennedy insisted on having a shot at it to which I conceded. I wanted to catch them right over our heads, they are not shy of people. And they're giant, regal birds, swooping, and diving, and flying in formation from one location to the next. She managed to catch this guy right before a dive. It's a ways off, but you can see how powerful they are by the wingspan and the length of their beaks. I never paid them any mind until I saw one in real life, and now everytime we go to water, I can't take my eyes off of them. They are amazing creatures, just amazing.These little buzzards, however, are greedy scavengers, worthy of no respect no matter how proud or docile he looks standing on the post.
Which brings me back to the question I want to ask. What do you think about? I mean, day in and day out , what occupies your thoughts? This morning in church the pastor talked about emptying yourself out so that God can fill you. Simple, right? And so I really probe my heart on this, who can I serve. I could offer to help with the music, I can go to the ladies' coffee and be a listening ear and laugh and connect with other women, I can help with the kids' program coming up next month, there are lots of opportunities to serve. But I am certain it was the Holy Spirit that brought my children to mind, the way I hold them off all day while I accomplish my list of things to do, which inadvertently benefit them, but generally I am busy, too busy to play or "watch this" all day until Dale comes home, then I clean up after dinner and we all go to the park across the street. They have my partial attention for a little while after the day is done, and then I'm tired and if they don't go right to sleep after I tuck them in, I become irrational and harsh because that's when I clock out. Haha. I clock out from my day job at 9:00 when the kids go to bed. Haha. My head is not right.
I'll think about it all week: it would be easier to pour myself out to total strangers, then to really truly serve my family. But what are we admonited to do from the Bible??? Seriously, to love our husbands and children, be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, kind, and subject to our husbands. It's right there in Titus if you need a reference. So how is my thinking so off that I put those obligations last? Oh, I am taking care of the necessities: cleaning, cooking, tending to drinks and diapers, but I've lost track of what really matters- and honestly, I am rarely kind. Believe it. I smile a lot, but it's like a default expression for me. I have so far to go in my faith; these simple things that are fundamental Christian values aren't even in my thinking.
Anyway, I really want to know. What do you think about?
Me first!
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts are consumed lately with what a mess my husband and I have made of our marriage, and about my company being sold and how these two things relate to one another and how the end of each will affect the children.
Sorry, that was heavy stuff.
I, like you, think about cooking one more meal, cleaning up, doing the daily routine and shutting down at a certain hour at the end of the day.
It's all busyness. Get through the next thing, then the next and next. That leaves little time for future thinking.
On a lighter note, I am thrilled to see you enjoying your new location and having family days and adventures in the sun. Wonderful environment for together time.
I think about doing the right thing more than I actually do it. Does that make sense? I also wake up every morning and think I am going to eat right today. At night I think about how I am going to be ultra productive the next day and then the morning comes and I don't do it. I am so disfunctional. Anyway, last nights phone call was much better. I agree it is hard to get down the the nitty gritty on the phone. Why does distance to that? Have a most fantastic day my friend. love ya.
ReplyDeleteBecca,
ReplyDeletewow, you have hit a huge nerve on the topic of mothering. I think christian moms find themselves thinking a lot like the world thinks...I need this, I deserve that, what about my callings and giftings? God has been confronting me with this very thing...who am I to be ministering to...my family...that simple(or hard). We don't toil in vain. We have a great purpose..to raise a generation of christians who will stand to the end, whose love will not grow cold, and will devote themselves to the narrow path. I think that I walk in constant forgiviness...I find myself constantly asking my kiddos to forgive my bad attitude or lack of gentleness. But hopefully they will see my example of daily screwing up and seeking forgiviness and they will be humble adults. :}
Karla
hey,
ReplyDeleteI just read this on Nancy Wilson's Blog...it applies to what you are saying!
Gold in the Trunk
“I also saw that it was ot my good feelings that made my righteousness better, and that my bad feelings did not make my righteousness worse; for my righteousness was Jesus Christ Himself, ‘the same yesterday, and today, and forever’ (Heb. 13:8).”
“I saw that all those graces of God that belonged to me but which I showed so little, were like those few coins that rich men used to carry in their purses while their gold was in their trunks at home. I saw that my gold was in my trunk at home — in Christ, my Lord and Savior. Now Christ was all –all my righteousness, all my sanctification, and all my redemption.”–John Bunyan in Grace Abounding