making it count

You know what I think about a lot?
When Lonnie died, it was like-

It was like his life was cut off
right in the middle of living.
Like, mid-sentence, he stopped.
He was doing life like he did it everyday.
He got up, took a shower, made his breakfast,
Went to work, picked someone up, dropped someone off
He was driving down the road to do the next thing and
Done. The end.

I tend to live for the next thing.
I'm waiting
   until the kids are older
   until I lose the weight
   until we get out of debt
To really live.
For what? For what??
My race could spontaneously be finished at any given moment.
Why would I wait to live my best moments NOW?

I'm sitting here with Dale and the big kids
watching the walking dead.
The guy is dying, staring into nothingness
his end is coming.
His exit from the apocalyptic world is within reach.
And this is what I think about.
Did I make it count today?
Did I look my sweet little ones in the eye
when I spoke to them?
Did I listen to the stories my teenagers thought
were sooooo funny?
Did I fall in love with my sweet husband
all over again?

Today I was reminded of the woman in Luke 7
that wept at Jesus's feet.
It brings tears to my eyes every time.
Every.
Single.
Time.
I love Him, deeply.
I see myself in that woman...
indebted.
grateful.
humbled.

Jesus from this perspective
compels me to
make it count.
He has given me all of this,
and true love,
and good health,
and happiness.
The least I can do is live
indebted
grateful
humbled
now.

lvb