to sleep or not to sleep

-
For the past few nights
I've been staying awake
for hours.
Way
too
late.

It's the only time of the day that I'm alone.
By alone I mean
no one asking me for anything,
no one climbing on me.
no one needing me, yet.

Even now, writing these words,
I'm nodding off.
but the solitude...
is the solitude really
that much more important
than sleep?
I'd dare say yes.

I don't know how He chose me for this.
I get so overwhelmed.
I'm so underqualified.
My character is weak.
I'm poor in so many ways
and yet He gave me this wealth.

Tonight I had one of those moments
when I wished I could have seen
video footage of it.
I wished I could've posted said footage.
I compare my life to
conducting a symphony.
Multiple times a day
there are several conversations directed toward me
at the same time
while I'm cooking
or cleaning
or managing schoolwork
or all of the above.
Some days I impress myself
other times I blow.

I don't begrudge it
usually
but it's overwhelming
and it drains me
completely.

At the end of the day
when Dale is snoring
and the little boys are quiet
and the lights are out,
I find myself clinging
to the remnants of the day
before I drift into silent slumber,
for no reason at all
except for solitude.

lvb

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