blue sky

This morning as I walked toward my car after work I caught a glimpse of the sky, and I stopped dead in my tracks. The entire expanse was overcast and gray except for a tiny window of light directly before my gaze. At first I was mezmerized by the gray as it appeared to me the clear blue patch was moving away, but then I realized it was the gray that was moving to make way for the perfect beauty of a crystal blue sky, lined with whisps of fine white clouds. For a minute it sort of took my breath away because all around me it was dark except for this one tiny patch of light. I looked around again to see for certain if there were any other open areas but this was it; it drew me in. I took a deep breath and gazed for another minute before I climbed into my van and headed home.

Get it? Well do ya!? Of course you don't because normal people don't look for God in the sky or hear His voice like a whisper in a glimpse of white clouds, but not everyone is as desperate as I am to find Him for answers; I think it was a promise.

Last night I prayed a prayer of desperation from the depths of my heart for relief. I cannot tell you how heavy the burden has become. It's like the ninth month of pregnancy, and not just any pregnancy, the fourth. Mmhmm. It's just like it. We know the end is coming, it has to be, because we can't just keep doing this. It's just not possible. Something HAS to give, something HAS to change in order for this family to function. But we don't know how, and we don't know when, and it's driving us CRAzY!

So when I walked out the door after being awake all night, after sleeping four hours yesterday, it's a wonder that anything caught my attention. It was a moment of peace in the midst of huge shadows and clouds; it gave me breath for a moment, a real deep cleansing breath. I believe our break in the clouds is near.