belonging

I like to have things in place. Not that I always do, because I don't, but it's what I prefer. A place for everything and everything in it's place. That personality profile awakened me to parts of me that I tuck away.

We have this room in our house that is piled with stuff, constantly. I clean it out, it piles back up. Most people have a drawer or a closet like that. I also have those, but this room... I need help. It's bad. So clearly, this tidy part of me is a difficult thing to reconcile with the fact that 10 other people live in this house and put their stuff around, random places.

One kid leaves his drinking glasses on the half-wall in the entry hall. Every. Single. Day. One glass, two glasses, three sometimes. I walk by and retrieve a glass multiple times a day. 22 steps from the kitchen sink where dirty dishes are collected. Seriously. Help me.

Another kid piles up him most valuable belongings on the shelves in our library, the entrance we use most often. The first thing you see when you walk in. Devices. Cords. Headphones. Target bags with change in them. Robots. Stuff. And thangs.

Don't get me started on the upstairs hall. Don't EVEN get me started... 

I feel better when I am able to tidy one area every day. I tidied up my bedside dresser yesterday. It feels sooo much better. I woke up this morning and reached over to get my Bible and it wasn't buried under a stack of other partially-read books, next to two cups, a thermometer, baby wipes, and a jar of Vaseline. Fo' realz. Love that.

In my feverish attempt to take control of the clutter, I swept through every area and grabbed things I could throw away, including the front of the fridge where I saw this little beauty. I have no idea where this name tag came from, or why it has sentimental value, but Jasmine has expressed a sincere desire to keep it. I hung it here on the fridge so she would see it and take it to her stash of things to keep, in her room, in a special box or something. It's been here for weeks. I almost threw it away approximately 1,000 times. 

Today I decided I would keep it. And leave it there on the fridge.

In a mega-family, or a large family, or a medium family, the struggle to be seen is real. Every time you are interrupted in the middle of a dream, and no one remembers to ask you to finish telling it, it's a painful reminder that you are a number.

It occurred to me, as I was thinking through this decision, that Jasmine should have a spot on the fridge. This is her house. Micah should be able to put his glasses in a familiar place so that he can remember which one is his and not risk drinking someone else's floaters accidentally. Because this is his house. Tre should be able to put a few things on the bookshelves because it would be easy to lose track of something valuable in his room, where he doesn't have enough drawers to designate one for "stuff". Because this is his house. This is where they belong. I never want them to feel like they are guests in my house, because it's our house, where we always fit in. Where we never have to be afraid. Where we learn to fail and get back up. 

It's a good thing. So it's staying.

lvb