bsmiles and sunny days

It's Wednesday. It's Wednesday at 4:54pm and there is no noise in my house. There's no TV muttering, there's no stomping, there's no jumping, no one is crying, no one wants a snack or a new diaper. No one needs me right now, at this moment, I'm a free bird. Oh don't get me wrong, there's housework; there's always housework, but no one needs my immediate attention. If this were yesterday, I'd be scrambling to get dinner on the table because I slept a minute past four-thirty and I have to get it on by five to get it cleaned up by six so I can get my shower done and the house picked up and the laundry switched and folded before I grab a diet A&W Root Beer and a bag of cheddar bunnies and run out the door to work. But today is not yesterday. It's today and it's quiet. I will probably do a couple of loads of laundry, make myself half a sandwich and a glass of iced tea for dinner, pick up here and there, *things that Dale will notice so he&

We love to sit on the porch. It's not glamorous, it's not fantastic to anyone else, but if you've heard me talk about it you'd think it was the most covetted place in the world to be. For me it is. We used to go out there at night when it was cool and the kids were in bed because we can talk or not and just be together. Sometimes when Dale gets home from work, he'll go out there to unwind and naturally we all eventually join him. Last night we sat out there for about thirty minutes before the kids went to bed because it was so cold yesterday! I call it Fall Teaser because you know we'll have at least two more scorchers before the heat fizzles out. The kids played hide and seek in the yard with Sarah (she's back!!!) while we talked. When we came back in the house, we had a message. Usually the messages on our machine are from his family, my family or any one who is not currently in the house. So when I heard a stranger's voice, my pulse picked up.

This morning as I walked toward my car after work I caught a glimpse of the sky, and I stopped dead in my tracks. The entire expanse was overcast and gray except for a tiny window of light directly before my gaze. At first I was mezmerized by the gray as it appeared to me the clear blue patch was moving away, but then I realized it was the gray that was moving to make way for the perfect beauty of a crystal blue sky, lined with whisps of fine white clouds. For a minute it sort of took my breath away because all around me it was dark except for this one tiny patch of light. I looked around again to see for certain if there were any other open areas but this was it; it drew me in. I took a deep breath and gazed for another minute before I climbed into my van and headed home. Get it? Well do ya!? Of course you don't because normal people don't look for God in the sky or hear His voice like a whisper in a glimpse of white clouds, but not everyone is as desperate as I am to

We had this really great plan after Dale's first year of school; we were going to start in September of the fall semester of his third year making a valid attempt to create a baby. It never was an effort for us, just nix one step in the process. It seems unfair, but we have gladly accepted each precious blessing in perfect timing. Naturally we were totally freaked when I read two lines on the destiny stick in January, the spring semester of his second year. Our schedules were crazy, we had a complex schedule of sitters lined of for mornings, noons, and nights. I was exhausted working nights and home schooling and staying on top of the housework while Dale worked tirelessly on homework, reading everywhere we went, writing papers into the wee hours of morning, and often working two jobs. *He did all his studying at home engulfed in the chaos of life here because he wanted to spend every free minute near us. He's my hero.* I looked at that crazy thing and laughed. And laughed. A

She's five and I hadn't gotten her final set of shots yet, so I decided to take her in today along with Leila to get her boosters. It was almost more than I could take when I told her. She had no idea that she was also on the shot roster when we left the house. I couldn't stand her being terrified all the way there and then during the course of the wait, so I finally told her when we were within minutes of being called back to the dreaded event. I felt so awful about the whole thing I almost laughed when I told her. I know that sounds terrible, but it was emotional overload. My body almost betrayed me and forced out the laugh. I knew she wouldn't believe me if I gave in to it though, so I just held my ground as my lips quivered. "You're getting a shot today too, honey." She stared in disbelief as the words, like the serum, coursed their way from her ears to her brain to her thoughts. After a few minutes she buried her face in my arm and cried and squeezed

SIS: "Who was she going to see???" ME: "Her boyfriend." AUNTIE: "I DON'T HAVE A BOYFRIEND!" ME: "Daniel" *snicker* SIS: *glances as AUNTIE and back at ME with a knowing smile and snicker* She's going to be nine in seven weeks. She'll be moving out in eight... Not really. I tend to over exaggerate the drama in my life, it's what I live for. We had this conversation yesterday and it was funny because Kennedy has jumped conversation brackets. The other kids still get giggles and tickles. She's moving past that. We talk about why people behave the way they do when it seems to make such perfect sense for them to do the right thing. We talk about the things girls have to deal with as they grow like why sometimes she has a best friend at church one week and the next her best friend moves when she sits down by her. It's exciting to me that we are already building the conversation in our relationship. I fully anticipated her bein

Take a picture of this!" *enter into conversation: Tre.* He held this pose while my half dead batteries puttered to reload the next frame. Is he not a perfect reflection of his daddy? And then there are times when he reflects more than his wild side. This child has forced us to consider EVERY POSSIBLE FACET of discipline. He has, since he was 18 months old, pushed the limits minute by minute. And yet he is so sweet; it's been his saving grace his whole life. Lucky for me I too have had the gift of grace extended to me. I don't have any goodness in me, not a single ounce. The farther I reach for my Father's character, the farther I drift from being even momentarily within reach. This job as a CNA, the thorn in my flesh, has taught me nothing except that there is no good in me, nothing good. I work really hard to be kind, to be nice, to say the right thing, to be patient, to handle conflict amidst the beatings and curses and crying and frustration; inevitably I fail... a

"Was Jesus ever a kid?" *enter into conversation: Micah* He's a thinker. Never occurred to me to consider Jesus’ humanity. I knew he was a baby, I knew he had to grow up, but I don't remember if I ever really thought about him being a kid like me, when I was a kid. A kid like one of the other kids on the playground or in my class. He's a thinker like his dad. Not his mother. His mother is flighty, a flake, an air head. I'm not pooling the sympathy vote here, I've come to grips with what I am and I can accept it with no shame. But I am not, by nature, a thinker. What I am is inspired. I'm inspired by God. The depths of Him inspire me to think, to consider, to ponder... And so I find myself scouring the pages of my Bible, grasping at trinkets of His character, His nature, His creation, and the things that thrill Him. In turn these things inspire questions like, what is blessing? I mean, we all want to "bless God" and we know He wants to "b

Hi, have you met Dale? Than you know why this picture shocks me everytime I look at, it's like I'm seeing it for the first time. So I'm praying that I'll have at LEAST one writing project done by next spring. With the new home schooling goals, I don't know how practical that is, but without a forty hour commitment to working every week, starting in October, I'll have a little free tiME! WE GOT THE JOB!!! Dale interviewed today. We should have a reporting date in October. Thank you all, with all sincerity, for your prayers for us and the timing on this crazy thing. It has been worth the wait- for this. If we had not been forced to wait the past months, Dale would have gone into the interview totally unprepared, overweight and out of shape. But God... For years we have lived our lives like Mario- when he's invisible and the fast music is playing- invincible. (my first big word as a kid) When we first got married, Dale worked at Blockbuster as a manage

If only I had time to write everyday... I find myself full of thoughts that I would love expound on here, but my minutes at home are so divided, and not carefully enough sometimes, I'm afraid, which leaves little time for me to sit in this chair and hash out the things that confound me. I am amazed in this life at how some things become so precious and others fall effortlessly by the way side. It moves me to think that when we draw near to the Father, He changes us, and not the way we'd like to change, overnight in drastic measure, but as seamlessly as the tide rolling in and out, as gently as the wind sweeping the leaves from the trees; and one day you realize that you aren't the same, you aren't the person you once were, and you breathe a sigh of relief. The shift in values has given me clarity in the things that matter. There was a time when it was really important to me to be known, to have friends, to have a pretty figure, to have long hair... It used to matter

It's Monday, August 7th, my three year anniversary with my job. We have been home for 24 hours from a trip that seemed impossible and somehow happened, and this morning Dale got the call we have been waiting for, as of today, for exactly two months. He has an interview in two weeks, the final interview. I am overcome with joy. We were sitting in a penthouse yesterday that over-looks the lake. We walked in and dropped our jaws and then ran through like children to see everything at once. Everyone was saying, "Look in here!" and "Did you see this?" Three bedrooms, two baths, a deck over the lake *we were on the fourth floor*, an elevator from the parking lot, a huge living room with a fireplace that ignites at the flip of a light switch... a fully stocked kitchen, a loft with a poker table, and I kid you not, a hot tub on the deck. None of the four of us spent a dime to have a it. And not only that, due to circumstances beyond our control, we did not make ou

I'll say yes Lord yes To Your will and to Your way I'll say yes Lord yes I will trust You and obey When Your Spirit speaks to me With my whole heart I'll agree And my answer will be yes Lord yes