bsmiles and sunny days

Don't you hate those days when... you reach into the little decorative bowl that holds your contacts case, and it's smeared with toothpaste. why is there toothpaste in my little bowl? no one uses this but me? you spend all evening and half the wee hours of morning sorting and organizing your drawers and you strategically place a special flashlight in your bedside table and you find your 5 year old carrying it around and the batteries are missing... and then you wonder where are the batteries? what else is missing? why can't I have a single corner of this house that is sacred and things are safe? you set your laptop in the table and plug it in just as water starts to drip through the ceiling all over the floor inches from the table. dude. why can't a practically grown adult see the logic in having a towel on the floor when stepping out of the shower? and why must fully grown mother verge on going freaking bananas to convince him that he cannot leave the water on th

2016 Evangelical Theological Society Annual Meeting This year's theme: The Trinity Maybe the thought of this doesn't make your heart race, but I've been dreaming about this week for months. Months and months.  Last year, Atlanta, this year, San Antonio. I made plans to spread the kids out into different households so that no one felt overwhelmed by the sheer numbers, and Dale and I left Sunday.  The first night I went to bed at 8:30. I kid you not, I slept like a rock until 6am. No one woke me up all night long. I slept until my body woke me up. I don't remember the last time this happened. We drove, so I had hours of quiet time. In an effort to not waste a single minute of this week, I made a list of things I wanted to do, and guess what. I did it all. Every. Single. Thing. Dude, sleep, finishing, does it get better than this?? Some of the exciting things I got done, maybe you're curious... Shave legs. Check. Dave and Busters with Drea

The birds are chirping merrily in the distance. There is a cool breeze sweeping through the sunroom where is sit in coveted aloneness. A dog barks now, threatening to rob me of my last few quiet moments, but then he stops and only the crickets and the birds remain.  Tears threaten but are blocked from free-falling down my face. I have a lot of doing that must be done today. I can't fall apart. There will be too many questions, too many worries if I'm found crying while I should be doing. Instead I will endure the emotions with dignity and save tears for later, when all is dark and sleepy. Something is scratching in the boarded up fireplace next to me. Birds I can handle, but if there's a squirrel in there I may have a heart attack.  The Lord has been good to me. This is true. I am blessed beyond measure. This is good. My sadness isn't really sadness at all, I've decided, it's unhappiness. I'm not sad. I'm just not happy, which if you know me at all, is c

 I have been afraid to write. Writing is a window to the secret places of my soul. I expose things that otherwise stay tucked away. I'm not sure I want to be that vulnerable and then I think, someone else is equally vulnerable. There are people holding secrets in hidden corners that need to feel a connection to someone. Somehow. Here we are. Connecting in the safety of anonymity. ❤️ I'm really battling depression. I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder by a doctor a few months back. 6 months ago, actually. I know that because I strategically dodged the appointment a few weeks ago. At first she recommended that I stay on medicine for 6 months. Then she said a year. I weaned myself off the medicine when I realized I was gaining weight and have never made it back to see her. She's a good doctor, but I'm afraid she will make demands of me that I'm unwilling to commit to, like take medicine for a year that makes me crazier than I am right now.  So I fight it away

We are having the greatest time in Indiana visiting my brother and his kids. I love coming here. He's the most generous host.  It  always inspires me when I visit. This place is immaculate. They have raised the kids to really be aware of their surroundings, to pick up after themselves, to have a place for everything and everything in its place. It's inspiring. I want to be better about teaching this to my kids. My brother and his wife are no longer married. My heart aches for the brokenness in this family. I miss her so much. It really has brought to light wa lot of coulda woulda shouldas. But God in His Sovereignty sees and knows. Only He can bring healing to brokenness of this magnitude.  I'm praying that He will do just that. Heal broken places in this family, whatever that means and however He chooses. I love them all so much.  I know how powerful forgiveness is. It brings God glory in powerful ways in the eyes of so many. It's a testament ofHis  goodness. He is so

I spend so much time thinking about myself, I don't have the energy to look past my own drama to consider the concerns of others. That's why Paul said, "always consider others more important than yourself" because this self-absorption is a bottomless pit. Whether my soaring-to-sinking pattern is a mental illness or not, I can see how my thoughts contribute to my well-being. When u have eyes on the needs of others, I am way less concerned with how I feel about myself and the darkness. I was waiting for a drink at Sonic, watching all these tiny teenaged girls moving from one task to the next through the drive-thru window,and it occurred to me that a very high percentage of women don't like their bodies or physical appearance. Do you? Let's be honest, I don't. I despise how I look right now, 50 pounds overweight. I loathe myself. And yet, I'm looking at these beautiful, youthful, skinny girls, at the height of beauty for their lifetimes, some of them, and

I don't know why some days I'm unbelievably productive and other days I am unbelievably unproductive. I would say lazy but theres not really any hope of me being truly lazy with all these kids and this big ol house. And then I read took this https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test. I'm an ENFP. To the core. Seeing myself on paper really helped me to understand these shenanigans in my mind! Like this. I just found this list when I looked up my personality type. 25 Struggles Only ENFPs Will Understand 1.  Getting your energy from social interaction, but disliking superficial conversations. Yes, I want to go to a party tonight. But a party full of contemplative people who want to alternate between taking shots and discussing the meaning of life. 2.  Being very socially conscious but also fiercely individualistic. This means always wanting to fit in with a group, but never wanting to compromise your personality to do so. 3.  The

It's been years since I've had a summer when I wasn't pregnant or tending to a baby. This year, no bun in the oven, and Clinton is practically a man. It's a new day for the Sutton crew! *littlest dreamy dude in the pack Can I just say publicly, "Thank you, God, for this amazing gift. It's so hard to appreciate what you have in your kids when you are working so hard to construct a new one or equip a newborn for survival in that first year!! I love it. I love the freedom to enjoy my children this summer. *Mops play date at Jayne's pool I'm typically not an outdoorsy type but I'm starting to get hooked on the sunshine and fresh air. Every chance I get, I steal away to the porch swing to collect my thoughts. It's a new thing for me. I didn't know what I was missing all this time! *KC Pet Project with Kenn When I'm not there, you'll find me galavanting around all for corners of the city with my posse. *Culvers after the ball game *PC Pub

I have this momentary insanity randomly in my life. The other day I may have mentioned that I almost had a complete and total breakdown last week when it was 100 degrees, and I couldn't find a ponytail holder. I have lots of them, mind you. Lots. And LOTS. But I can't find them because my little girls take them from me. They sneak them out of my stash until I have only one left, and then they politely ask if they can borrow it. Then I am left with none.  I went on a hunt for a band to tie my hair back with, as my neck dripped with sweat. I can't tell you the desperation I was feeling when my search came up empty. Not a single one to be found. I kid you not. I got tears in my eyes. I had to rationalize the meltdown away. It wasn't pretty. And then one of the culprits offered me the ponytail holder from her hair. I was immediately ashamed of my mania and also grateful beyond words. You can imagine my joy when yesterday morning I woke up and spotted this on my kitc

I made myself a drink and lost it. I lost te drink I made for myself. I've been walking around thirsty for an hour, working around the house and putting kids to bed for an hour, thirsty. I can't find it. Yesterday I needed a ponytail holder. I couldn't find one. I have at least 25 of them, and they are. All . Gone. G. O. N. E. It was hot. I almost cried, the longer I went as my hair cursed my neck with beads of sweat dripping down. Arghhhhhgh. I even bought a new package of ponies and... They are nowhere. I went to the grocery store. I told them my phone number to get my rewards points, and the girl says, "Did you lose your card? I can get you another one." Great idea! I'll sign up right now. I get to my car and the card is nowhere. I even looked for it before I left the store and assumed she put it in the bags of groceries. Wha...? This is a trigger for me. I can't find something, and I lose my mind. I go totally ballistic. It's ridiculous. I loathe

This has been the most spectacular month. I keep saying it over and over. It's like a dream, I don't even believe it was real! And then I scroll these pictures and it's true! It was real! All of it! We celebrated our 20th anniversary with tattoos. Our promises to each other that our love will stay. #songofsongs #truelove This girl turned 8. It was an epic celebration. Complete with dung beetles on the cake, thanks to the artistic genius of Jon Jenek! This guy had shoulder surgery and got to stay home with me for three weeks of blissful rest. Kind of. He hasn't gotten much rest, but it has been fun. Mother's Day...  was an amazing day, seriously; Dale and the kids really did it right! I felt loved and appreciated on so many levels. Here's a shot of my little guys giving me a pedicure with super extra baby lotion.  The baseball season started, which is awesome! Big hitter here!! Unbeknownst to me, there was a surprise party in the works starting waaaay back in Mar

So this awesome as just happened... Enter The Elms Resort and Spa. I've wanted to do this for a long time, book a spa day in an epic spa!!  It's blurry, I know, my I was delirious with excitement! Dude... We were so relaxed. 11 kids between us, this was totally therapeutic. Just what the doctor ordered. Quiet room... Just for the record, we were not quiet. And it was fine. And awesome! Apricots and fruit infused water The Roastey herbal teas So much pampering in this joint. I wish you could feel those robes!! The grotto Forgot my swimsuit. Booooohoooo... Apparently people tend to frown on using the gratto in spanks and a tank top. 😂 And then there was this, the milk and honey bath. I wasn't sticky at all when I got out! Hahahahhahahaha!!! I loved this place. What a gift my sweet husband worked countless hours driving the Uber-mobile to cover this lavish expense. Thank you, sweet D, and thank you Jesus. You continue to surprise me! Don't worry, he got a little spa treat