bsmiles and sunny days

Kennedy acting as an adult At the DMV. Whaaatt?? Lvb

As of today Kennedy officially has her driver's license. I have been dragging my feet on taking her to take the test only for busyness's sake. She finally asked to go enough times to motivate me to take her. It hit me today like a ton of bricks as she sat there in the license bureau answering questions and signing her name and listing her social security number; today marks her passage into adulthood. It's a long hallway out into the real world that she has yet to embark on but... she's taking the first steps. Yipes! What is happening to my life!!! It's slipping out of my hands like sands in the hourglass. First driving then a job then college classes then my girl goes out from among us to begin a life separate from the herd. ...sniff... ...sniff... WAAAAHHHH!!! I'm not ready! And yet, time keeps marching on. I'm past denial, almost past it. I can accept that I am aging. (Not very well. I had trouble writing th

   When you marry the dreamiest guy ever you feel like you've hit the jackpot. Seriously. Winner winner chicken dinner right here. Obviously the very best part of being a Sutton is this guy coming home to me every day. What I didn't realize, however, is what a goldmine I walked into when I signed on as a Sutton. It's been more evident this past week than ever before. Dale has talked about making a trip down home for years. Of course I wanted to go, All these folks are kin to me. They have been for 17 years, and yet I barely knew them. I just never realized how readily they would embrace me and mine as their own. And this is what Suttons do.  I feel like I have missed out for years, always nursing a baby or staying home with little ones. I can't fail to mention the Welkers here, I adore them too.  This whole bunch... they are some of the most generous, selfless people I've ever known. We lef

I feel displaced in my grief because I am the in-law. I have never lost anyone like this. All four of my grandparents have gone on, but they were well into their golden years when they died. Lonnie was just a few months into his official retirement according to the Social Security office. It's different. I am still sad. I broke down in the parking lot of Price Chopper yesterday. When I got home the kids asked me what was wrong. My sister asked me what was wrong. When I told them I was sad they asked why. It's because I have been in this family for almost as many years as I wasn't in this family. He wasn't only Dale's dad anymore. He was kin to me. There were times when I needed help, and I couldn't reach Dale so I called Lonnie. He had taken me in and filled the role as the patriarch of the family. ... tears... I loved that guy. Even more the past few years as he has become more transparent, I have been able to see where

It's Wednesday. It's a new day. I have this crazy resolve to do it all. See everyone. Go everywhere. Forget money, make this day count. I am trusting the Lord to give me wisdom and provision so that in this life I will be His hands and feet, His hugs, His voice, His presence in mine. Take this life and let it be Consecrated Lord to Thee... Oh to be His hand extended Reaching out to the oppressed... I want to live as if this is the only day of my life. Making the most of every single moment so that it counts. Oh Lord, please keep me near this reality, this urgency that YOU are the author of life. That YOU are the giver of every good and perfect gift. That YOU are able to do abundantly more... That the more I give away in every way, the more I look like You. Precious moments... lvb

I have this idea that this is the dress rehearsal. It's this sense that eventually I will arrive at the place where I am grown. I will someday arrive at the place emotionally, physically, spiritually, where I am established. And then my real life will begin. But it's just not the case. What you do in this life is your real life. The way you spend this day is your real life. What you are, who you are right now, is who you really are in real life. I have finally arrived at the actual performance. Only, I've been here all along. I keep thinking about my father-in-law, Lonnie. He was doing the real deal all along. It was his real life start to finish. He was doing it the best he knew how, and his legacy spoke volumes as to how well he did it. He was this quiet presence in our lives. His wisdom was never solicited, but carefully given in small doses. He didn't make a spectacle of himself, but he had an inside joke with everyone in th

I woke up this morning Fully realizing that He is gone. There is nothing I can Think Or say Or pray That will undo that. Now we have to Navigate through another day Without him. Like learning how to walk On new legs. Pray for my strength To come only from the Him. Mine is faulty. May the comfort of our Lord Come to those around me Through these two arms And these two ears And this trickle of tears. Lvb

We lost him. It was yesterday. We had him. He was ours. And then he wasn't. He was just gone In an instant. Not here. Just gone. I want to talk About him About how I feel About how we'll never play cards again. About how we can't do Anything Again because He won't be there. Everything is cancelled. Because we lost him. And theres no way to do it without him. At the end of this day I wanted to say "We made it through the first day Without him." But it was too painful. It seemed cruel To say "Without him" Out loud. I keep imaging him Walking into the house Like everything is normal. Torture in mind. Over And over. I know he's gone, Dale saw him. But I keep dangling the possibility That he's not Really gone In front of reality. We lost him in the worst way. Unexpectedly. But there is something comforting In the sadness. Staying here Tucked away from where Life goes on Means that We are still within