bsmiles and sunny days

It's been 11 days since the Lord made His face to shine upon us in the birth of our precious son. It seems impossible that that much time has passed already! The story of his birth has the fingerprint of God all over it. I want to shout it from the rooftops that the Lord was good to me in His perfect Providence. Weeks before my due date I was already beginning to dilate, which triggered my eager anticipation of the finishline. By 38 weeks I was 3 cm dilated and 70% efaced. I was having tons of false labor and my anxiety mounted every time we left town. I was praying for a moderately paced delivery and hoping to go on my own. At my 39 week appointment my blood pressure was unusually high. The nurse and doctor both looked at me with concerned expressions which only added to my anxiety. To be continued... Lvb

Yesterday for several hours I felt the baby working its way down lower and lower. When I got home from coop Dale said my stomach had changed, obviously it had dropped.  At 7:00 I started timing contractions. Four hours I had them. I sat on the exercise ball for about half an hour a few times, which seemed to get things going once they slowed down, but at 1AM when there was no sign of baby I finally went to bed. It seems like such a mean trick to feel all these new things everyday and none of them put me into labor. Dale, in his sweet way, said before I went to bed, "I'm sorry you didn't have your baby yet." I didn't cry. Its not that desperate. Yet... I know it will happen when everything is right and rushing that is a mistake. God made my body perfectly. It's just my nature to help when circumstances are not the way I think they should be!! On a happy note, I am back under the 40 pound mark. I was very, very nervous 4 weeks ago when I gained 4 pounds between

I am still here and very pregnant. Its hard to believe that I am on the outside of week from my due date. My rationale is off kilter, clearly. I've been scouring the internet for safe home induction methods for nearly two weeks now! Sheesh! How do I get so wrapped up in this crazy cycle! I am still functioning like normal, but I am restless. Unfortunately for my house, my energy is spent scouring the internet instead of organizing and cleaning!! I am nesting, no doubt, but I am whittling away at silly projects instead of doing things that really need my attention. On a happy note, things are good on the home front. Dale and Kennedy took a sick day today and Jas had a second round of the stomach flu. I was thankful to have the stragglers take their turns now rather than later. I will bleach and disinfect everything in the morning in anticipation of the end of our flu run. We have a quiet week and busy weekend and start of next week. I wish it were the opposite. I need the busyness t

I have a long list of things to do. We have company coming tonight and more company tomorrow. I should be doing laundry, cleaning under and behind furniture, organizating drawers, grocery shopping. Instead I am in my bed listening to my kids play outside. This year we decided to take every birthday off from school. Thank you Kennedy for yet another day to let things go!! My sweet Kennedy is 15 today. Shoot! I might cry. All of a sudden it seems like the end of her childhood is so much closer than the end! Of course it is, but it never seemed like it before now. I could gush over how amazing and helpful and delightful she is in so many ways, but instead I will just thank God for her life. She is a blessing in the most profound way. She exemplifies how God gives us abundantly more than we could ever ask or imagine. Lvb

Hi my sweet friends! Some of you this is our only communication most of the time. Others of you talk to me regularly and have to hear my post repeated multiple times. Either way, I thought an update would be appropriate. I will be 38 weeks tomorrow and have, as usual, been anticipating labor every minute of this last month. Strangely, the closer I get to my due date, the more nervous I get about labor. I just can't get past the dangerous possibilities of everything that could go wrong. Being 36 years old and after 8 pregnancies, I am at a high risk. I should be avoiding the internet altogether because most recently I've learned that after five deliveries your uterus can start to let you down, being unable to contract properly and what not. It's silly, I know, but it's in my head now. I am drinking red raspberry leaf tea 3-4 cups a day to prepare my overworked uterus and trusting the Lord that I am His handiwork and having babies is the good work that He prepared for me

Listen, I am in a whirlwind of change!! My days are full of busy excitement as we near the end of this eighth reign of hormones! And look forward to a precious new addition to our bustling household! I have stumbled terribly in my pursuit of healthy eating which has caused an excessive increase in my weight. This makes me sad. I have unrealistic expectations of having a basketball pregnancy, at least once. Clearly it's not going to happen. My basketball is more like a half deflated beachball. I mean seriously... I've been inflating and deflating for almost a decade. How can I expect it to look any better than this? I should be thankful that my uterus is even able to hang in there for another round! And I choose to be grateful for that starting now!!! ....rather than resent my stomach for not being picturesque. Blasted Pregnancy magazine! Why do you haunt me so!?! I am excited about a writing project I began a few weeks ago. The Lord has set a fire in my heart and I have set my

The kids and I arrived in Emporia yesterday afternoon.  Its bittersweet to be "home". I love coming back for any reason. I love sitting up late with my sweet mama as she busily finishes up details from the day and preparations for tomorrow. She is truly an inspiration.  I love getting up early enough on the weekends to have coffee with my dad before he takes off to start his list of todos. I love that my kids have their own space and some much needed privacy in their own rooms, but I still find them all piled up in the tiniest bedroom watching batman cartoons together. It's bitter to be away from Dale. The first night, I miss him. The second night I wish he was going to be come. By the third night and each following, I barely sleep and anxiously await every text and phone call. Who knew my world could become so intricately engrossed in another human being. It's been this way for years, but I've never been so keenly aware of it as I am this year, being apart weeks

Radical Gratitude. I am floundering all morning to keep my composure, right? In the midst of the chaos I leave the room and start reading this book. It's something I never make time to do, so it's an escape. It is awesome: beautifully written, insightful, and it sent me into hysterics. I am hormonal in a way that I have yet to experience thus far in my life.Maybe by the eighth pregnancy, a woman's body stops measuring and just starts dumping hormones randomly into her system. Whatever the case, I am getting some perspective. The Lord is kind to me and full of mercy to remind me of all there is to be grateful for. Lvb

Update:  I am still eating under control, exercising five times a week, and asking God to keep me in check. In other news: I feel like I am going under. Last night I started to let the floodgates down, and there was a torrent of emotion that I am unable to explain. I am still fighting to put a lid on the tears 12 hours later. I know it's hormonal. That knowledge is no less upsetting than if I had a more reasonable explanation for my sadness. I am fighting depression everyday. I feel displaced. Maybe its because my house is such a mess. Or because I am exhausted from doing even the bare minimums. I feel guilty for neglecting the mountainous emotional needs of these precious ones placed in my care. I sort of pride myself on their self-sufficiency but and landblasted when their hearts are laid bare and they are needy and unattended under all of that responsibility. Who am I that God would continue to extend His blessing to me in this desperate and wretched estate? What really matters

The Lord has been good to me. Somehow He has flipped the switch, and I am back in control of this blasted eating issue!  It seems like when I am off, I am a crazy mess. When I am on, nothing can stop me! Even pregnant, I believed that it was impossible for me to eat with self-control, but the Lord has done the impossible.  All praise be to God! Having a plan in place has helped immensely. For instance, today I went to Burger King with my homegirls for lunch. I was excited to figure out what I could eat within the boundaries of my plan. That made it so that I had no trouble eating only what was on the list. I have to be honest, I am tired again and having what feels like hot flashes on occasion. I'm not sure if it is the sudden change in eating or the new flood of hormones attributed the third trimester. I have to believe that eating a balanced diet and exercising is a blessing for this baby and in no way a curse. So far, smooth sailing! Woohoo!! Thank you for praying and standing b

I passed! I passed!! I passed I passed I passed! No gestational diabetes for me! Woooooohooooo! I am not going to let this new resolve go, though. It is better to be in control than out of control. God is helping me moment by moment. I just can't deny His leading in this. Woohooo!! Thank you for praying.  I need it so much!! Lvb

I still don't know about the 3 hr test results, but I do know this.  I am ready. My body needs the change and craves it. I have been eating on the plan, logging the food on myfitnesspal.com, and sniffing out some accountability. This is my third successful day, and I feel so much better already! I don't feel like I am denying myself anything. I guess it's because I am eating more of what I need so I am satisfied. Starting out I intend to weigh everyday. Its sketchy, I know, but that little motivation is a great way to start the day. Don't get me wrong, I amn ot looking to get skinny. Seriously. I'm pregnant. I have a baby that needs to be fed! However, weight is mathematic; calories in, calories out. For months now, I have been eating like a ravenous animal and gaining like crazy. If I pull out the stops to keep track of everything that  goes in my mouth, I will lose some before I level out and start gaining again. You think I'm crazy? I need to change. I have t

One more signal regarding God's will for my eating habits came this week, when I failed my glucose test.  I sat in the doctors office for three hours today making a plan of action. I don't want to have gestational diabetes. I do, however, need some accountability. After my sister went through all of that, it really opened my eyes to the danger it can be to the baby. Just being borderline has been another reality check that may have been enough to shake me out of my gluttonous stupor. After my appointment, I stocked up on some high protein staple snacks and calculated a plan. I would have had a great day on the plan if I didn't have to drink the 450 calorie glucola first thing this morning. On the flip side, being over the calorie cutoff forced me to get on the treadmill. I still need to eat a snack later! Pray for me, that I will crave the love of our precious Lord more than I crave Brachs royals caramel candies.  Lvb

I have been bemoaning my insurgent weight gain for months; it came at me in such a hurry after my big loss.  I know I have complete control of this thing, but I feel out of control. So I have sort of been rolling around in my mind the necessity of cutting out sugar. It's silly, really.  I love sugar. I mean, I look forward to it after every meal and between each chore of my daily life. When I get up, when I go to bed, when it's cloudy or sunny. When I feel an emotion, any emotion... I sort of live for it. It's moderately become a problem. But I have considered giving it up. The thing is, I am pretty sure I can't do it. I have tried with minimal success. And why should I? Unless God is asking it of me. Maybe you think I am nuts. The reality is that when God speaks He confirms His voice in other ways, right? So last weekend my sweet mother-in-law brought me the book Made to Crave.  I started reading it at the doctor's office. It's basically about replacing your fo

A slight chance of rain and an overcast sky is all I need to be the sweet girl I was born to be! We are sitting on the porch, the kids are running all over the yard, and there is a light, cool breeze blowing. There's no scorching sun, no suffocating heat, no threat of heat exhaustion creeping in. Ahhhh... I feel refreshed! So last night we had the "coming of age" talk with Tre. This is always unnerving for me, but it's necessary. It's easy for me, Dale leads the discussion. It's the content that gets me. I don't want my babies to be exposed to the adult world... but there is always a sweet reminder in all the akwardness. It's that God has a perfect design, beautiful in every way. And also that my husband is a strong and capable leader. I am reminded that he has not neglected the responsibilities of fatherhood. He provides for us diligently, he protects us all costs, he spends precious free time with us because he wans to. He's my hero. I'm the

Say it ain't so!! Trebo's 10!!! Where does the time go! We are celebrating in the very best way today! Started with an ice cream sundae for breakfast in bed, opened presents, heading to ChickFilA for lunch, and supporting traditional family values in the meantime. Later we will have the neighbor kids over for root beer floats and a giant birthday cookie. Then we will hunker down for the night with snacks and the Olympics. Iheartbirthdays!! Lvb

I am not sure what it is about being pregnant that makes me a lazy cow. Is it the extra weight? Is it the hormone overload? Do I need more sleep? Is it that my body is working overtime to construct a living, breathing human? Maybe it's the fact that when I'm pregnant I stop exercising, start eating junk food, neglect a good portion of my daily responsibilities, and naptoo much. Whatever it is, it's bad. So here's my plan. I am going to try to do these six things everyday. Help me. Help me! Ask me if I did all six things before I took a nap or treated myself to a cornucopia of gas station delicacies! I know it seems silly that I have to write these things down to get them done. They are small tasks that shouldn't take any motivation, but they do. Everything does. My day is taken up by piddly, meaningless, time-consuming tasks that crowd out my responsibilities; which is why I need this little list. Even if it doesn't accomplish much in the grand scheme of things,

In a normal week, Friday is our Monday, which is Dale's first day of the work week. So, Tuesday is our Friday, and Wednesday and Thursday are our weekend. But with the recent shift in our church routine we got up early to go to chuch and had a relaxing a Sunday evening afterwhich my friends came over for a visit on Monday making me think it was Thursday all day! Twice I was reminded that it was Monday!! Ahhh! I'm as crazy as I think I am!! At any rate, today is our Friday, but Dale has to work this evening because of Ramadan, and then has a meeting and a pick up from the airport. This means that our weekend doesn't officially commence until nearly midnight. Boo... I'll take it without bemoaning the shortness of our weekend since we got a three-day weekend last week and a night in a hotel, to boot. On a new subject entirely, I have been reading about aluminum in deodorant being a contributor to breast cancer. With a genetic history of breast cancer on both sides of the t

I got this coupon out of the Sunday paper awhile ago for a free coffee from Wendy's, so I stuck it in my purse and forgot about it. Well at my last ob checkup I pulled it out to look at the details. Lo and behold, it is a reusable coupon for free coffee for this entire month!! Not only that, you can get coffee, or flavored fancy coffee, or flavored iced coffee. And what's more, the coffee is awesome! It is soooo good. Like a good and generous mother I have allowed some of my children to redeem the daily coffee for themselves, but mostly I've hoarded it like a miser! You need to go in and try a caramel roaster. It is divine goodness in a cup, my friends. I love it so...

I am so, so happy to have all of my children home!! I know it's difficult to imagine, but my life is more simple, more quiet, more organized, more laid back when even one of my seven children are gone. But it's just not right. I miss them so much. Usually I use the time to clean out the missng link's room. It's always a relief to unload the countless trashbags and vacuum the carpet. Once tha's done, I am ready for them to come home. This past week Leila and Deisha were at my mom's for Little Girls' Camp. They had the time of their lives. Leila even cried a little on the way home because she already missed her sweet Nana. I can't blame her. I miss her too. I wish I could take you all to Nanaland. My mother is one of the most selfless and most hospitable people I know. She is a shining symbol of godliness to our children without fail! I know I will tire of the rat race at some point, with a houseful of children, but right now I am really loving my life. Th

My sista is scheduled to be induced tomorrow morning, and I feel like a kid on Christmas Eve! I can't help but thank God that He brought us home so that I don't have to experience this via text updates a million miles away! She is considerably calm, regardless of the chaotic circumstances with the gestational diabetes and doctor ordered induction. And she is looking soo cute! We are all thrilled to snuggle sweet Piper Jayne! Pray that all goes well and that the Lord's blessing is evident on this precious family!

My sister is days away from having her baby, so we are here in Emporia, eagerly awaiting sweet Piper's arrival! I have never been on this side of anticipation. Usually I am the one begging God to make it all end and scouring the internet for a remedy to induce myself. If you have seen us together, you know the similarities between me and my sister. This is one place we part ways. She is patiently enduring every false alarm. Her hope is to wait as long as possible. I have never experienced this inside the final month. It's amazing! On another note she steadily continues to lose weight as her pregnancy draws to a close. The doctor prescribed diet has helped that I'm sure, but in all of my eight pregnancies, I have yet to come out at the end looking any less than the size of a small vehicle. I am so excited to watch her function in her role as a mother. With these monumental differences in her attitude toward pregnancy, who knows how she will tow the line in the great parentin

Deisha's birthday is Saturday, but with all the craziness of Michael's graduation, we gave her a Chuck E. Cheese birthday party early to curb the loss of the actual day. Dana took her to Build-a-Bear immediately following, and then to Yogurtini. It was a day of Kansas City revelry and mayhem. She loved it. I am tired, but it was a good day. Dale took the big kids for a bike ride, Leila, Deisha and Jasmine are doing yoga, and Tre is practicing his guitar. Hello, summer; I love you. I hope things are going well on your end! Lvb

Maybe you heard, I'm pre-ga-nen-te!!! And this while working a real job for too long on top of raising seven and schooling five children leaves only a wink for anything extra. I seriously miss writing. I miss telling you my funny stories and amazing epiphanies. I miss knowing that we are connected here. And that, my sweet friend, is what brings me back. So this morning God answered my prayers definitively. I have been agonizing over my job since before the positive pregnancy test. My children, these blessed gifs of life, have needed me here at home with them. I struggled to let the extra income go but felt the end coming. After I announced the new baby coming, the hunt began for my replacement. I thought I would continue to work one day a week after she was hired, but I found out this morning that I will not have that option. It's funny... I should be thankful, and I am. But I feel strangely about leaving. I want to be as productive at home as I have been at work.I want to work

He was born in a Christian home near Dumfries, Scotland, in 1824. From an early age he had a special awareness of a closet in the three-bedroom cottage,  where he lived with his parents and ten brothers and sisters. He described it thus: "The closet was... the Sanctuary of that cottage home. Thither daily, and oftentimes a day... we saw our father retire, and "shut the door"; and we children got to understand by a sort of spiritual instinct...

I am sitting at the kitchen table with my feet propped up on Scarlette's booster chair, feeding her chicken noodle soup. Deisha and Leila are drinking hot chocolate out of tiny tea cups. Deisha is laughing hysterically at herself while Scarlette looks on. Leila is scrolling through the Ipod in search of a song to play. The big kids are all down at the park. It's the end of January at 7pm. 50°. So bizarre. The Oilers came over to play for a couple of hours, so naturally none of them want to waste a single minute eating dinner. I can't blame them. Dale is working late because it's Monday. I cleaned house all day... for someone else. Now I'm too tired to clean mine. Leila picked Friday Night by Lady Antebellum, hence the wild spontaneous dance party. Love it. What you doin'? Lvb

I was shocked to hear that my sweet friend, Charlotte, had passed last week. I was a thrill to be able to  attend her funeral, though. Charlotte was a person that knew and loved and kept in touch with everyone. She was an amazing woman. I learned so much from her as a child, a teenager, and an adult. Even in her death she is teaching me lessons in life. It's incredible! I left her funeral with thoughts of how to live with no regrets. I want to reconnect with people that I've lost touch with. I want to be better about maintaining long distance relationships. I want to be more diligent in kingdom work, even if it seems menial to me. But most of all I want to share the love of Jesus as far and wide as my influence in this world reaches. I love Him so much, and His ways are so perfect! This life is only a moment before eternity.  Lord, make this moment count! Lvb

Can't believe it...

I love my life. I am in love with my husband. I adore my kids... I have a great house, messy as it is! I love my church... imperfect, but tight-knit. I wake up happy. I feel deeply joyful. I am contiually struck with gratitide. God has given me a ride in the good life. I have tasted, and seen, and lived this "abundant life" that Jesus  promised to His followers. I don't know why He has chosen to bless me, but I continue to thank Him for the showers of blessing. I just wanted to tell someone, and thank God for making my dreams come true.

Dale left about half an hour ago. I got up early to iron his clothes with every intention of goingback to sleep. I managed to get back into bed, but sleep has not come back to take me yet... So here's my dilemma, do I stay in my warm, cushy bed and explore pinterest for as long as possible, or should I get up into the cold and pay bills and start the laundry? It seems like a no brainer, I know... Alas, the answer comes down the stairs wearing high heels. Deisha. Must have had a bad dream because she is whispering an has tucked her head into the blanket so that she can just barely see out. I love this life...Livin' the dream, baby!