The Love of God

I feel displaced in my grief
because I am the in-law.
I have never lost anyone like this.
All four of my grandparents have gone on,
but they were well into their golden years
when they died.
Lonnie was just a few months
into his official retirement
according to the Social Security office.
It's different.

I am still sad.
I broke down in the parking lot
of Price Chopper
yesterday.
When I got home the kids asked me
what was wrong.
My sister asked me
what was wrong.
When I told them I was sad
they asked why.


It's because I have been in this family
for almost as many years
as I wasn't in this family.
He wasn't only Dale's dad anymore.
He was kin to me.
There were times when I needed help,
and I couldn't reach Dale
so I called Lonnie.
He had taken me in and filled the role
as the patriarch of the family.
... tears...
I loved that guy.

Even more the past few years
as he has become more transparent,
I have been able to see
where Dale gets all his
idiosyncrasies.
He is a carbon copy
of his dad.
Made me love him more
as I watched him aggravate Dana
and train Tre in the Sutton ways.

My life changes now.
People that are dear to me
change now
because he is gone.

I don't like it.
No I don't.

But even in this season of heaviness
the Lord is very near.
He continues to bring hope, and
a strong undercurrent of joy
as hours turn into days
and days turn into weeks.
May God give us wisdom
in the weeks to come.
Pray for me
to be patient
and intentional.

lvb