And then there are the days

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when the dichotomy is all around and none on the inside. At about three o'clock in the morning the last night I worked, I had to fight down this overwhelming rage that has been simmering for a couple of months now. It was terrible. Everything that I want to be and sometimes claim to be, and really try to be on good days, was exactly the opposite of what I was, what I am most of the time. I'm becoming less consciencious of being a vocal testimony for Christ and more obviously a hypocrite in the walk. Used to be the other way around. Isn't there ever a middle road? Who is this awful human being that possesses me when I am opposed to the path I am directed to walk? I'll show up, but I won't like it. And if I have to keep showing up for too long, no one around me is going to like it either. It's such a juvenile methodology, but it's the way I roll. God make me like You somehow, Lest I perish!!

Comments

  1. SWessJuly 1, 2006 at 8:14 AM

    Becca, you are a walking testament to Christ. You're not alone in feeling as you do, you are just willing to admit, face who you are and deal with it. Some days are tougher than others. Hang in there, girl.

    ReplyDelete

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