Beginnings

 

When I was in the sixth grade, our class was given an assignment in responsibility. The teacher assigned each student a “spouse” and gave the couple a raw egg to “parent”. Our job was to work together to keep the baby alive through the weekend. My partner took our egg my tossed it into the air as soon as he got his hands on it, so I took the baby, made it a paper box to sleep in and covered it with a tissue. I carried that egg from place to place, tending to it like it was alive. When I returned to school on Monday, the teacher collected all the eggs and tossed them into the waste-paper basket. I was crushed, but that moment solidified a dream in my heart to have a family of my own.

By my 25th birthday, I was married and had 3 small children with another little bundle on the way. We were a mess, but I was living my dream. Our 9th baby was born 13 years later. By that time I was falling apart. We were 11 people under one roof with 4 teenagers, 2 grade schoolers, 2 toddlers and a newborn baby. Our marriage suffered terribly as we each fought for our own survival. It was only by the grace of God that we held together during that long, exasperating season. At the end of each pregnancy, I seemed to lose more of myself to weight gain and clinical depression. 

There wasn’t a magic turning point or landmark event that changed my trajectory. It was a steady march of faith, through bad days and not-so-bad days, trusting God to lead our family to higher ground, that caused us to land there. Everyday, I read my Bible even if it was only one verse. I prayed as often as the words would come out, even if they were simply, “Help me.” I turned all my music to worship, even when I couldn’t sing along. Then one day, a song came up from inside me and broke through the darkness. Without even realizing it, I was singing! The Everlasting God had restored my soul. 

“I took you from the ends of the earth, from its farthest corners I called you. I said, ‘You are my servant’; I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭41:9-10‬ ‭NIV‬‬