bsmiles and sunny days

Sometimes I think my life is uneventful, unpredictable. I just walked into my kitchen to find a mysterious Wal-Mart bag in the center of the floor. The floor I meticulously mopped yesterday afternoon just minutes before Leila dumped the sugar bowl all over the floor and before Tre knocked his soda off the table onto the floor where it splattered about a three mile radius. SO I was walking through the yard picking up various pieces of trash and I realized there were piles of dog poop everywhere. EVERYWHERE. At first I thought it was just one corner of the yard, but as I ventured from one end to the other, I found it everywhere. It was disgusting. I kept imagining all the frolicking children that play in the yard on Sundays after church and wondered how many of them dragged dog poop into their minivans and suvs. *snicker* I know. It's gross, but I called the poop patrol, which gladly obliged my request to pick up the poop when I offered wal-mart bags and plastic gloves. Am I crazy?...

One of the greatest things about life in Nebraska is that we have friends. I have LOVED living in Missouri because we were surrounded by family. My mom and dad were close, my sister lived with us, Dale's mom and dad and sister and nephew were a mile down the road, we had aunts, uncles and cousins and grandparents at every birthday party and holiday, it was amazing. The thing about Fremont is the spontaneity . I LOVE it. People stop by, make play dates, drive by to check on us... we have friends. I still have my sister, who is the only person besides Dale that I am COMPLETELY uninhibited with, and for that I am more than grateful. God knows I need her; and we think each other is the funniest person in the world. But in addition to that, I have people here that I am totally comfortable with. I don't feel pressure when they walk into my house and it's messy. It doesn't matter if I am already in my jammies and slippers or if I am in the middle of a project that involves pi...

Starting to feel a little more normal... a lot more normal, adding elements back one at a time, now if I could just get away from that wretched devil food that haunts me and lures me into the lair of gluttony... But in the grand scheme of things, I am feeling the balance starting to come back to middle ground. So many great things in my life, I feel hopeful. I feel more than hopeful, I am excited about life. I am excited about the potential of the things that are happening in my life and I wake up ready to start the day before I have to. I am writing again and that, my friends, is exciting. Something about writing frees me. I can't explain it; I know I've said it before, but writing, like running, gives me the exhileration of flying. Now, I've never flown but I have been on a contraption that simulates flying to a certain degree. (The rip cord, it's a thrill ride at World's of Fun that is like bungee cord jumping, only you don't jump, they strap you in and then...

Now blows the wind of change today just as the seasons pass; And in my heart I tremble as the promise comes as last. And yet I know that life is never just or right or true; But I will cling incessantly to Him, He gets me through. He's real and never failing, He's a diamond in the rough; A standard for my vision and the hope in whom I trust. He holds me as I tremble and speaks gently in the night; Surrounds me with His kindness, pours His blessing as I fight. Promises of courage never give much relief; Until I've found my safety in the deep and safe reprieve. It's ever climbing onward, ever looking to the end; Up the mountains, down the valleys, with me journey, faithful friend.

Something about going home spawns growth. I see it most in my children, they always come home from Nana's saying new words or walking or potty trained... This time it's me. My journey there and back has given me a grasp on my world, or rather, a perspective that I have been scrambling to grasp and had yet to find. Sitting at the kitchen table with my parents turned the light on. It is the gravity of going back to the beginning- returning to my roots. I feel like I can see a little more clearly in order to remedy the "treading water forever" feelings. I needed to find my footing on my own. And then I needed to come home because I can no longer find completion apart from Dale. He's my anchor. And then I needed to be with my family here, in the body of Christ. I need to worship with my brothers and sisters and eat with them and laugh with them. That's the air... In Christ I have life, and in that I have family and community and abundance. I have everythi...

I was just telling a friend that even my dog is different. I feel like we've been here so long, but it's only been a couple of weeks; it just feels like we're settled. At the same time, we are not. So I'm scoffing at our poor little Scoo and saying he's whiny and clingy... In the meantime I was reading something that I wrote from Smalltown USA six weeks ago, and frankly, I'm not the same. It's strange. I feel like myself, I think I look like myself- except that I'm awake during the day and I *usually* sleep at night. But somehow, I'm not myself. My writing is not the same. My responses are not the same. I am have not become completely acclimated to our new life here. It's understandable. It's so new. But one thing is real. One thing is the same, it's still true. God is here. He is here, and He is very real. I can never escape His watchful eye. His thoughts of me are endless. And that, my friends, is quite reassuring. I have always had thi...