Getting better

It was nice to ride the happy hormone wave Friday.  I have to tell you, it was a short ride. 

I've been taking a b-complex supplement along with an evening primrose oil pill.  I don't expect it to start working for another week or so, but I'll do whatever it takes to clean this mess up inside me.  I am very close to going to the doctor.  I know they will try to drug me.  They always do. 

 

Yesterday was not as busy, but my anxiety ran high.  Weird.  I knew I needed to pick the girls up at 11:00 so I planned to leave at 10:15 in order to stay ahead of the clock.  At 10:10 I decided to clean out the filter on our dishwasher. Mmhmm.  You can imagine my surprise when I got in the car at 10:35 and didn't have gas. 

 

My kitchen was a wreck.  I didn't do dishes before bed; I'm lazy like that.  Then after I had the dishwasher taken apart, there were too many to handwash.  My kids do dishes.  I rarely do them.  I'm just out of the habit.  So at two o'clock when I was starving, I sat down to eat Scarlette's leftover food because I was desperate and didn't want to make anything.  There was a glass of water sitting next to her bowl of pasta that I also drank. The kitchen was overwhelming.  It was hard to just focus on the fork.  I snapped a few photos for you.

 

 

You can barely see the brownie crumbs on the table in front of me, the chair in the middle of the floor, the counter piled with dishes, the trash on the floor around the can.  You can just barely see the mess that almost sent me into a fit of hysteria.  Yikes.

I found my happy place in the woosh of the dishwasher.  When I took it apart I found straws.  Lots and lots of pieces of melted, chopped straws that were congesting the filter and causing our dishes to come through cycles filthy.
 

Yay! Project completed.

I was ok until the dryer went out, and I found a water leak in the basement.  boo...  After that I was very mean to my children.  I hurt people's feelings left and right.  It was terrible.  Before Dale came home I fought back a total meltdown. Twice.  The second time hit as I was running a bubble bath.  I managed to block up the floodgates as I slid into the tub.

 

Bubble baths are magical.  I don't know what it is about the water and the bubbles and the quiet, but it soothes me.  I was completely calm when Dale came in.  I wasn't crying, or drinking, or drowning.  I was ok.  It was a good thing because he was exhausted after a very long and trying day.  He couldn't have shouldered my meltdown. 

 

That's Providence. 

 

There's seriously something to the "Calgon, take me away" commercials.  I need to keep that mantra as a reminder that bubbles are good medicine.

 

I'm way too self-focused. Pray for me.  I need to get my eyes on the things that matter.

 

And when your life starts to cave in on you, put the kids to bed and take a bath.  It helps.

 

lvb