Moments

Every time I come into this little room, I think about writing something and then I'm whisked away in the next second to one of my many duties here and tell myself I'll write soon and that you all understand.

Let me just say, this is way harder than I thought it was going to be; not when I read that our miracle was on it's way on that little stick in the bathroom ten months ago, I knew it'd be hard then. But when I gallantly told you all that we were planning to have six kids when it was all said and done, I didn't anticipate the gravity of that reality. I mean, we've had a baby in almost every difficult circumstance that our lives could possibly produce, so aside from being eight million miles from home, things are relatively stable this time and I thought it would be a little more simple than this. I mean, God has placed us right where He wanted us with Dale's career, we have great insurance, I am not working so I can be here with the baby, our school program is extremely flexible which means if we have to work the weekends, we can... all things considered, it should have been more simple than this.

The baby isn't fussy or demanding most of the time, but for stints of the day, every day, she wants me all to herself for a few hours together. That's when I start to feel panicked. When the floor is covered with random pieces of Leila's clothing and a few toys, there is trash just out of my reach, and the dining room table needs to be cleaned off by an adult after the meal, that's when I start to wonder how I'm going to juggle all of this.

And then I remember just to do one thing at a time, the next most pressing thing, and once I get that done I gotta do the next thing. With that said, it's getting better. But it's still tough and I am not nice yet, so add the guilt of outbursts throughout the day to the hustle to get things done while she is quiet, I don't know. It's going to be like this for a while.

I will say that having familiar faces in my house for the past few weeks has made my perspective a little less skewed. My mom and dad were here for a week and then my brother was here for a day and my sister just went home today. Dale's parents will be here soon... It has really taken the edge off our achy hearts, especially in this really critical time.

Thank you for hanging in there with me. I am hoping to do some writing of substance soon, but no deadlines yet. More pictures next week!!!