Sickies

Writing more talking less...?  Hardly.

It's a lofty goal for month nine.

There is so much I want to do, and there are a million distractions that keep me from being functional. 

I have a houseful of sick kids today.  It's been a gradual progression of fallout.  One went down, then another, then two more... now all six feeling yucky, moaning, drinking Sprite, eating crackers.  The fevers are almost gone with the exception of the latecomers.  I'm ok, I don't mind taking a sick day from school in exchange for a marathon of movies.  The big kids are still considerate of overworking me and the little ones don't have the energy to ask for much.  It could be so much worse.  And I feel good- that helps.  Only, I'm a little concerned about being this close to my due date with so much infection floating around the house.  I may lock the kids in the basement for a few hours so I can air the house and disinfect everything. 

As far as being prepared for another baby, I could hardly be prepared.  I was lying in bed monitoring the coughing through the night and thinking about why I feel so  unprepared.  Honestly, the only thing you need for a new baby is a safe place for it to sleep and warm clothes.  Breastfeeding, check.  Diapers- they give you some at the hospital.  I've got clean sheets for the cosleeper and a carseat...  I am emotionally unprepared.  Each baby has come as a surprise, a gift.  The ones closer to the end of the line have also come with the shock factor.  With that I sort of deny the reality for the first few months, endure the pregnancy for the next few, and then convince myself that it's really happening at the end, thus coming to full preparedness.  With Deisha I woke up surprised to find a baby crying next to me for more than a few weeks every night.  This time I am sure it will be much the same.  I feel a little crazy for feeling this way and for saying it out loud.  I'm sure you think it should be old hat by this time, but it's just not.  It's new every time.  I'll have more help this time and more emotional support closeby. 

Here's my conclusion.  I love my life.  I don't like disruptions.  I struggle with change.  After moving for the 49th time and adding children every few years for the past 15 years, you'd think I'd accept it, but it's just not the way I am.  I will be elated to hold my new baby and bring it home to join my family.  It's the unknown that holds me back from fully embracing my circumstances.  I don't know how much my life will change, how much I'll have to take from one to give to another, how long I'll be hormonally hijacked from being my normal self. 

So that's where I'm at.  I really want to post some pictures, and I will.  After the list is done.  And the list is long.  But I will soon.  I even had Kennedy snap one belly shot for those of you that have asked.  Prepare yourself.  It's a little shocking. 

lvb