darkness and light

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The Volunteer Banquet at the prison was tonight. A former inmate that was a member of Dale's congregation was the keynote speaker. We went in our fancy clothes with our sweet little Peanut tucked safely in his car seat. I politely shook hands, introduced myself, laughed at jokes, sought engagement, and smiled appropriately.

Jeff was dynamic. Even at our table, the guy was electric. His eyes were full of life and passion. He spoke with intensity. It was inspiring.

After too many cups of prison coffee, really good coffee, by the way, I'm wide awake. I've prayed for a long time and still my brain is spinning. 

I've avoided eye-contact with inmates all of 8 years that Dale has been a chaplain. He instructed me to do that in the beginning. Now it's just easier for me because they are in the dark, and I live in happy sunshine. I don't want to go in there.

It's how I've lived my life. I like it happy and easy and safe. Jesus rebuked that. He went in and brought the light into the darkness. He rescued the perishing. He didn't wait. He just went. 

Darkness has crept into my life in ways I never could have predicted, threatening my security, choking out the light. As soon as the light sprang forth in forgiveness, I found myself drawn to dark places to bring light. 

It's the work of the Holy Spirit in me. Even in my scattered ridiculous estate, God is shaping me into what He wants me to be. ...it's humbling.

I long for my life to be a reflection of the Father, and yet I labor and toil under the cares of this world. I can only pray and wait for Him to do the work in my heart in spite of me.

Lvb

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