Stop trying to fix your marriage

I’m caught in a painful cycle of criticizing my husbands actions and motives. I find myself feeling personally attacked over the tiniest infractions. We’ve been together a lot. We’ve been in the company of happily married, perfectly balanced, highly disciplined people. Unfortunately it has turned the lights on in areas that perplex and pain me.  

I’m not honest when I’m hurting. I don’t say what I’m feeling when a decision needs to be made that could potentially harm the security of our family. I’m quiet when I feel bowled over or disregarded. In the name of peacemaking, or conflict avoidance, I step away instead of speaking up. 

Driving home from a week of precious moments with people we love, I have rolled over and over the things that I heard and observed wondering what it will take to bring change in me and my family. As I stared out the window, I heard the Holy Spirit speak, “Stop trying.” 

Yeah... that seems like a bad idea on so many levels, but nothing I’ve ever done has brought change or improvement to this weakness in me. But there was more. “Give it to me.”

The lights came on. Only God can do what needs to be done here. 

I’m gonna stop trying and pray. I’m gong to stop over-thinking and study. I’m going to stop working at better new ideas and start letting God deconstruct my high places and start doing what He wanted to do all along.