Happy Birthday to Leila...

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Sweet Leila is one. And what would we do without her? This precious little screeching bundle off beautiful innocent naughtiness... She is a ray of sunshine. And not too sure about the open flame on her birthday cake!

Jasmine's expression in this picture is enough to root my feet deep in the soil where I stand. I have everything this life can afford any one person. I have this chronic nagging that pulls and tears at my security and confidence as every day the phone doesn't ring. But really, who cares? What is there to be desired beyond these four walls? Is there really such a desperation in me for what the modern world deems security more than what God wills for our lives here, right now? Where is my faith in the Almighty? Why have I transplanted that precious well that was so abundant and full in Christ into my husband and myself and our ability to control things or not control things as is evidenced in our present situation? People say all the time, "It'll work out. Just wait." I know it will. I know it like I know I have another breath coming after this one; like I know my heart will beat another sixty beats in the next minute. So when I lie down and my mind spins like a top that never slows, I'm perplexed.

My sincerest apologies for the journal-esque posts recently. I get to work and I sit in front of a stack of books for hours before I crack one; inevitably something dramatic happens to deter my attention and then I put all the books away at 6am when the last shove of work happens and tell myself I'll study tomorrow. There are so many things pressing. I feel like I need to be writing and studying and slaving to accomplish all of the daily things that are required of me to maintain a household of eight. When I get to work, sometimes I just want to sit there and talk and laugh and not think. Study at home is so much more difficult because I don't have hours at a stretch. These are nothing but vain excuses for my negligence. When I don't study I don't have anything worthwhile to say. The battle of the day to day conundrum isn't very inspiring. Especially due to the fact the I've been toiling over this same issue for so long. I guess you're still reading if you're still reading.

So while my studies are not immediately beneficial to you today, here's one to grow on.

None can become fit for the future life, who hath not practiced himself for it now.
Augustine Bishop of Hippo, 430

Comments

  1. beckySeptember 11, 2006 at 10:05 PM

    rich. your words are so wise...

    ReplyDelete
  2. SWessSeptember 12, 2006 at 11:09 AM

    I'm still reading, looking every day for new thoughts from you.

    Can't wait to see you!

    ReplyDelete
  3. CindertitoSeptember 14, 2006 at 9:05 AM

    Happy B-day Lei Lei
    Love ya c

    ReplyDelete

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