Back to Life
We are six days into the antibiotic regimen and I am thankful. Kennedy used to throw up with every dosage no matter what it was. I attribute that to the fact that when she was tiny she had to have her stomach emptied in the hospital with some awful remedy that she was given by mouth. They say it takes about fifteen minutes to take effect, but it only took a couple before she hurled and hurled and hurled. At *almost* 10 she still has to choke it down, but now it's a battle between mind and body. She's amazing, such a fighter. It used to be a nightmare when they all went on antibiotics because they follow her. So, if she panicked, they all did. Now she's coaxing herself into taking it slowly but surely, and also encouraging everyone else to be so brave and do the same thing. No one else has the trouble she does with it so her encouragement has instigated an excitement about taking medicine. In response, she wants to be a part of every one's dosage. She takes hers, so Micah gives himself his. She gives Leila and Jasmine theirs too. This morning Micah gave Tre his. This is, I assume, what people mean by it getting *easier the more you have.* Let me assure you, there isn't a lot about my life that's easy, but this is much, much easier than the days of yore.
I am finding myself again, despite the hormonal hurricane that threatens to take us all under at least twice a day. God has given me rest, desperately needed rest, and I am back on my feet. I think it's so cool that when I begged the principal for a week off, He responded generously with a break. It's awful to be sick when your kids are sick and your husband's working, but it's worse when they can't help themselves and you have to run around the whole time. We spent a lovely week on the couch watching Fraggle Rock and Looney Tunes and drank Sprite and slept. It wasn't a vacation, it was much better because we didn't spend any money and I didn't have to do as much laundry.
The new Bible study, while I hate to admit it, is shallow and exactly my speed right now. That's not quite right, it's not shallow, it's basic. Very basic and I have been so self-consumed that the basics are striking to me again. Things like *If you abide in MY WORD; then you are truly disciples of Mine and you shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free.* And *It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery. I AM THE WAY, THE TRUTH, AND THE LIFE; No one comes to the Father but through Me.*
Simple, elementary truths, the very foundations of daily life in Christ that I have neglected have freed me all over again! I was born into the Assemblies of God, my parents were both born-again believers and raised us, in every way, to be Christians. Slavery for me has never been to explicit sin, it comes and robs me in more subtle ways. I have never had a desire to use drugs, not even a little because they are such a blatant lie. I've seen the effects they have on people and the pleasure of the moment they offer can never outweigh the result of their consequences in my mind. Slavery sneaks up on me until I'm completely ensnared and feeling hopeless. I have everything. Everything. And I feel hopeless?
I can speculate on how it happens, it's been a pattern in my life for a long time; I start telling myself that I have needs that are going unmet. Generally this is a spiritual starvation that I fail to recognize and go on to try to meet my needs. Maybe I need more sleep. I'm pretty sure I need a milkshake, my body needs more calcium and I can just get it real quick. I need some alone time, I'll put the kids to be and just veg and watch a movie by myself. I need someone to talk to, I'll call my friend and talk for two hours about myself. I need a candy bar, my blood sugar feels a little low. I'm not saying the indulgence in any of these things is sin, necessarily, but sin is in the heart or the attitude. For me to start stacking all of these things into my life, I find myself at the bottom, unsatisfied, with too much sleep and too much sugar, having said way too much to someone on the phone, and too much time on my hands. That's when hopeless and cynical strap themselves on and squeeze the life out of me. That's when I get really ugly.
The Word is clear about my role to be busy at home. It must be difficult to imagine me not being busy, but everything in my life, if carefully manipulated can be neglected for quite a while before it catches up and I start having anxiety. It's a difficult balance, but I manage it on occasion. It's interesting that the very busyness that I avoid in this pit of despair, is what gives me my breath back.
I feel like I'm back. I can never escape this one truth. Jesus, the Word incarnate, LOGOS is life. Jesus is life. Jesus is life.
I am finding myself again, despite the hormonal hurricane that threatens to take us all under at least twice a day. God has given me rest, desperately needed rest, and I am back on my feet. I think it's so cool that when I begged the principal for a week off, He responded generously with a break. It's awful to be sick when your kids are sick and your husband's working, but it's worse when they can't help themselves and you have to run around the whole time. We spent a lovely week on the couch watching Fraggle Rock and Looney Tunes and drank Sprite and slept. It wasn't a vacation, it was much better because we didn't spend any money and I didn't have to do as much laundry.
The new Bible study, while I hate to admit it, is shallow and exactly my speed right now. That's not quite right, it's not shallow, it's basic. Very basic and I have been so self-consumed that the basics are striking to me again. Things like *If you abide in MY WORD; then you are truly disciples of Mine and you shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free.* And *It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery. I AM THE WAY, THE TRUTH, AND THE LIFE; No one comes to the Father but through Me.*
Simple, elementary truths, the very foundations of daily life in Christ that I have neglected have freed me all over again! I was born into the Assemblies of God, my parents were both born-again believers and raised us, in every way, to be Christians. Slavery for me has never been to explicit sin, it comes and robs me in more subtle ways. I have never had a desire to use drugs, not even a little because they are such a blatant lie. I've seen the effects they have on people and the pleasure of the moment they offer can never outweigh the result of their consequences in my mind. Slavery sneaks up on me until I'm completely ensnared and feeling hopeless. I have everything. Everything. And I feel hopeless?
I can speculate on how it happens, it's been a pattern in my life for a long time; I start telling myself that I have needs that are going unmet. Generally this is a spiritual starvation that I fail to recognize and go on to try to meet my needs. Maybe I need more sleep. I'm pretty sure I need a milkshake, my body needs more calcium and I can just get it real quick. I need some alone time, I'll put the kids to be and just veg and watch a movie by myself. I need someone to talk to, I'll call my friend and talk for two hours about myself. I need a candy bar, my blood sugar feels a little low. I'm not saying the indulgence in any of these things is sin, necessarily, but sin is in the heart or the attitude. For me to start stacking all of these things into my life, I find myself at the bottom, unsatisfied, with too much sleep and too much sugar, having said way too much to someone on the phone, and too much time on my hands. That's when hopeless and cynical strap themselves on and squeeze the life out of me. That's when I get really ugly.
The Word is clear about my role to be busy at home. It must be difficult to imagine me not being busy, but everything in my life, if carefully manipulated can be neglected for quite a while before it catches up and I start having anxiety. It's a difficult balance, but I manage it on occasion. It's interesting that the very busyness that I avoid in this pit of despair, is what gives me my breath back.
I feel like I'm back. I can never escape this one truth. Jesus, the Word incarnate, LOGOS is life. Jesus is life. Jesus is life.
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