In the Dark

I'm a little afraid of the dark. I'm not a chicken about being in the dark, normally, I just don't prefer to be outside by myself in the dark. I don't mind taking out the trash or fetching something out of the car when the sun has gone down, but you won't find me out walking if the sun is even remotely on it's way out because I just don't like it. Maybe I'm a little paranoid, but I prefer to think of it as a safety issue. And there's really no reason to take a chance unless it is absolutely necessary because weirdos are everywhere.


I am afraid of the dark though. For most of my life I thought it was about what was hiding in the bushes or who was lurking after hours, but deeper than that there is a teeny bit of phobia in me, the irrational kind, and I forgot all about it until our power went out and stayed out overnight several weeks ago. I woke up spontaneously and when I opened my eyes my house was pitch black. The enormity of the darkness sucked the breath straight out of my lungs. Scrambling to get to any ounce of light that I could find, I jumped out of bed and into the hall (it's only two steps). The moon was shining outside so there was a shadow of light in window, but not the real thing. In an effort to regain my composure, I calmly walked back to my bed, crawled in, and squeezed my eyes shut like I used to when I'd stay the night in a strange, abnormally dark place, telling myself that the light would come and there was no reason to be afraid. It was the strangest feeling knowing if I opened my eyes they wouldn't see anything different than when they were shut. Several minutes of settling my thoughts allowed sleep to take me again, but the fear still resides deep down inside.


This is what I thought of when our pastor read these words from Psalms 139 last week. If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to You; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to You.


The quiet strength with which he read the words soothed me in a way that nothing but the very words of God can. Immediately I flashed back to the fear I felt; it was such an out of control feeling. The potential of living in this kind of darkness indefinitely was swirling my thoughts like a blender; so to hear that even this is of no mention to God reminded me of how small my world is, and how carefully He directs the matters of my existence. My heart was moved to a new place of rest.