Plod on, plod on, plod on

There's nothing magical or fantastic about what's happening in our lives right now outside of the obvious... It's waiting. Waiting is happening. It's the everyday-waiting-for-the-phone-to-ring-watching-for-the-mailman- hoping-for-a-sign-from-heaven-no-word-from-anywhere waiting. It makes you question everything; is my heart not right, have I not learned a lesson, is someone close to me waiting for me to share Christ with them, is there something that has to happen in order for the walls of Jericho to fall down, or maybe we just miscounted our steps, did we make a mistake, an error in judgment?

I drew out a map of the coming events for the duration of the summer and as I looked at the encroaching weeks, tears filled my eyes. I had not grieved the loss of my expectations until that moment. My need to make the best of things and chronic optimism has forced me into a corner that some people might call reality. What I thought was going to happen, what I expected to happen, what I almost knew was going to happen, hasn't happened. It's frustrating and aggravating and it makes you want to blame anyone in the game, and it's exasperating. We are exasperated. But in an attempt to be a buffer, I have neglected this torrent of emotion that has been brewing down in the pit of my stomach for a couple of weeks now. It's almost more than I can bear.

Now, in the grand scheme of things, it's only been one month and three days since we submitted our application to Washington DC. I documented it for this very reason; we mailed it June 7th. Which, for a job application, is a long wait, but for a submission for consideration in a federal position, it's a worthy wait. And maybe it's that persistent optimism or maybe it's my default view of the character of God, but I can almost see in the supernatural, that when the pieces all fall into place, or are carefully placed rather, it will be spectacular, the things that God does for us. Maybe I'm naive to think that. I believe it's an issue of reaping and sowing. We have worked really hard for this and according to Proverbs, hard work never neglects to bring a return, there is always a harvest.

So once again, here I am waging war with my emotions, some days I can keep running hard and other days I want to run away, just move with our friends and start a quiet life in a little town writing books under a nom de plum and raising our children. But under that sweet dream of a quiet life, I know it's not there, it's not in the plan.

If you are my friend, and you know Jesus Christ, please pray for us. The waiting is sucking us dry.