Disappointment

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I have, countless times, been disappointed in my life. Disappointment should be a friend to me. I am the queen of dashed expectations. I have said for years that if I could just lower my expectations of circumstances I would live a more simple life laced with sweeter happiness. But somehow I cannot make the shift. I am an optimist almost to a fault. While it strengthens my faith on certain levels, filling me with hope, it also trips me up time and time again.

There's this war inside me between the acknowledgement that I have everything I've ever hoped for, and the daily let-downs that threaten my peace. It's like swinging from branch to branch- I get one thing resolved and swing on to the next so I can fret over it. It's strange because I know I have everything. I lack nothing. But I freak out if I get a bill I didn't expect or a phone call that bugs me. I don't know. Someday I'll find a balance and learn to live in quiet submission under the sovereignty of God and his perfect, sustaining grace.

But for now what I have in this life, is a promise. It's the hope that I always come back to when I get tripped up by something insurmountable.

"Behold, I lay in Zion, a stone of stumbling and a rock of offense. And he who believes in Him will not be disappointed."

Comments

  1. SubaAugust 5, 2008 at 5:40 PM

    Becca,

    I won't ask you to give up submission to God, but must you be quiet? What if David hadn't cried out to God in song? No psalms. If you don't cry out? No realistic blogs. One of the reasons I read your blog is because of your dead center honesty. Be who you are, Becca, even if that means you are occasionally caught off guard. I love it, not because you suffer, but because I can relate.

    God bless.. Suba

    ReplyDelete
  2. IncognitoAugust 5, 2008 at 5:42 PM

    Hope of a better time and faith that it will happen are all that is getting me through.

    Hang in there.

    ReplyDelete

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