Getting closer
To a breakdown, and the end of this jog in the path. I have never had a nervous breakdown in a clincal sense, but I have felt them coming at several crossroads in my path. I don't think I need lockdown, but a padded room with no noise and no people sounds pretty good right now.
Two nights ago we were on an outing to investigate the new *to us* grocery store, VONS, and Tre got away from us. I heard my name over the loudspeaker and that my son was waiting for me, but couldn't figure out what they said. He was standing at Starbucks screaming my name when a lovely barista settled him down enough to help him find me. We were upset because this isn't home yet and it seems a long way from home so we've not taken any chances with the kids getting out of our sights. So you can imagine Dale's frustration when he told Tre to stay put, turned his back for a second and he took off. He had a good laugh about it until he saw the smoke rolling out of Dale's ears. We stopped at a park down to road to spank him, which I took into my own hands due to my lack of smoke. It was intense, but we handled it.
Scooter stays with us almost all the time too, because the housekeeping staff cleans when we're out and he's a little skiddish, like the rest of us. I'd rather him stay in the car than to have to get him from the pound. But it's wearing on him too.
We went on to the restaurant and as soon as we sat down, Leila dumped my drink clean across the table. Lunch was good, LOVING the west coast clam chowder! but when we got back to the car, Scooter had taken the liberty to poop on every seat. He pooped on every single seat in the car. HAhahaha. I could hardly hold the gut-busting roars from my mouth, but the smoke was rolling again and I couldn't risk to let out a peep while Dale picked it all up and scrubbed each seat with a Windex wipe.
On our way back we stopped at the storage unit to get the letter of employment out of our document box. I was sure it was in there. And guess what? Yep. Nowhere. I climbed over the washer and table to chisel a path through the boxes praying that the letter would somehow materialize out of nowhere, which it sort of did.
Now we're back at the hotel, Leila took a 12 minute nap in the car so naturally while she's in her pack and play for an hour she doesn't ever fall asleep. Instead she poops her pants and smears it all over her legs and arms. Isn't that fun?
I'm losing it. Just going out of my mind. Two nights ago after the kids went to bed, Dale and I are watching TV; he's reading a book and I'm working a sudoku puzzle and I hear in the background a commercial for Colace, a constipation remedy that I am familiar with because of the nursing home, which is where my mind drifted to. I hear myself talking without thinking. I didn't mean to say anything at all, but I tried to cover by saying, "I love you," and then started laughing. I laughed and laughed and laughed until I cried. Then I had to shut it down because it wasn't coming to an end. I wasn't sad or feeling anything at all, it was just one of those weird things that tells me I can't do it all.
I know we'll make it through, it's just down to crunch time and I don't like it.
Two nights ago we were on an outing to investigate the new *to us* grocery store, VONS, and Tre got away from us. I heard my name over the loudspeaker and that my son was waiting for me, but couldn't figure out what they said. He was standing at Starbucks screaming my name when a lovely barista settled him down enough to help him find me. We were upset because this isn't home yet and it seems a long way from home so we've not taken any chances with the kids getting out of our sights. So you can imagine Dale's frustration when he told Tre to stay put, turned his back for a second and he took off. He had a good laugh about it until he saw the smoke rolling out of Dale's ears. We stopped at a park down to road to spank him, which I took into my own hands due to my lack of smoke. It was intense, but we handled it.
Scooter stays with us almost all the time too, because the housekeeping staff cleans when we're out and he's a little skiddish, like the rest of us. I'd rather him stay in the car than to have to get him from the pound. But it's wearing on him too.
We went on to the restaurant and as soon as we sat down, Leila dumped my drink clean across the table. Lunch was good, LOVING the west coast clam chowder! but when we got back to the car, Scooter had taken the liberty to poop on every seat. He pooped on every single seat in the car. HAhahaha. I could hardly hold the gut-busting roars from my mouth, but the smoke was rolling again and I couldn't risk to let out a peep while Dale picked it all up and scrubbed each seat with a Windex wipe.
On our way back we stopped at the storage unit to get the letter of employment out of our document box. I was sure it was in there. And guess what? Yep. Nowhere. I climbed over the washer and table to chisel a path through the boxes praying that the letter would somehow materialize out of nowhere, which it sort of did.
Now we're back at the hotel, Leila took a 12 minute nap in the car so naturally while she's in her pack and play for an hour she doesn't ever fall asleep. Instead she poops her pants and smears it all over her legs and arms. Isn't that fun?
I'm losing it. Just going out of my mind. Two nights ago after the kids went to bed, Dale and I are watching TV; he's reading a book and I'm working a sudoku puzzle and I hear in the background a commercial for Colace, a constipation remedy that I am familiar with because of the nursing home, which is where my mind drifted to. I hear myself talking without thinking. I didn't mean to say anything at all, but I tried to cover by saying, "I love you," and then started laughing. I laughed and laughed and laughed until I cried. Then I had to shut it down because it wasn't coming to an end. I wasn't sad or feeling anything at all, it was just one of those weird things that tells me I can't do it all.
I know we'll make it through, it's just down to crunch time and I don't like it.
We love and miss you guys. We are praying for you. Tell your kids Payton and Griffin said Hello and they MISS them.
ReplyDeletePraying for you and have my FIVE friends praying for you as well.
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