Is it REALLY???
Yep. It's Friday. It's already Friday and I haven't published a word in three days. Please forgive me if I don't come around as much as I normally do. And please don't feel discouraged if I don't return your phone call. As a matter of fact, if you ring my doorbell and I yell from the back for five minutes to just wait and then I never answer the door, it's not you, it's me. I'm getting a little flaky. I mean, it's not uncharacteristic of me to be flaky in various situations at random times of the day, but right now it's becoming more and more real to me that I'm having a baby soon and quite honestly, it's a bit overwhelming; the thought of bringing home a sweet smelling bundle of wonder into our little dollhouse to live the transient life that is coming in trying to find the quietest room to sleep in and shifting all the clothes so that there's a place to keep the onsies... it's all hitting pretty close to home. It hits me every time I have a contraction, which is about every twenty minutes.
I've never felt nervous about having another baby. I used to have these nightmares that I was on a roller coaster making the initial climb to the top of the hill and I would scream out for someone to stop the roller coaster, I didn't want to ride. That's a little how it felt when I saw two lines on the test this time, it wasn't quite hysteria, that's been brewing now for about eight months though. It was more like shock and the feeling that there must be a bigger picture that I had to take into consideration. Frankly, I used to be spontaneous. I used to love shocking people with another pregnancy. I used to adore the fact that nothing in my life was concrete, change could sweep in and turn everything normal upside-down in an instant. Maybe it's my age- I'll be 32 on Memorial Day- or maybe it's the fact that I'm past joy-riding and I'd kind of like things to settle down. I mean really, it's a lot easier to juggle the universe when you know what's coming next. But when something that's not in the plan comes bowling through your world and upsets the basket, it's more difficult to laugh it off and roll with the punches with five little people following behind.
I don't mean to come across as ungrateful because if there's anything I am it's not that. I am thankful with every prayer and every consideration of this family. Sometimes I can't believe they're all mine. Like today; I was in the checkout at Target and the girl asked me if I was making cookies. Chocolate chips are a staple in my pantry so I kind of laughed. *Most people don't bake cookies in California.* I said, "I like to keep these on-hand because I have a lot of kids and I never know when we'll need to whip up a batch." She asked how many kids I had. When I told her she was clearly cabobbled, her mouth stayed open the rest of the transaction. She said, "What do your parents think of that?" It was a question I haven't been asked before. The novelty of our family amusing to people. She asked me if it was hard to manage them all- another question people don't really ask. I liked this girl, her raw honesty was pure. I told her that you learn how to manage a little as a time but that it really is a lot of work, but it's fun too. It was just another reminder to me that I am the luckiest girl in the whole world to have this miracle around me be my real life.
But I'm still a little nervous.
I've never felt nervous about having another baby. I used to have these nightmares that I was on a roller coaster making the initial climb to the top of the hill and I would scream out for someone to stop the roller coaster, I didn't want to ride. That's a little how it felt when I saw two lines on the test this time, it wasn't quite hysteria, that's been brewing now for about eight months though. It was more like shock and the feeling that there must be a bigger picture that I had to take into consideration. Frankly, I used to be spontaneous. I used to love shocking people with another pregnancy. I used to adore the fact that nothing in my life was concrete, change could sweep in and turn everything normal upside-down in an instant. Maybe it's my age- I'll be 32 on Memorial Day- or maybe it's the fact that I'm past joy-riding and I'd kind of like things to settle down. I mean really, it's a lot easier to juggle the universe when you know what's coming next. But when something that's not in the plan comes bowling through your world and upsets the basket, it's more difficult to laugh it off and roll with the punches with five little people following behind.
I don't mean to come across as ungrateful because if there's anything I am it's not that. I am thankful with every prayer and every consideration of this family. Sometimes I can't believe they're all mine. Like today; I was in the checkout at Target and the girl asked me if I was making cookies. Chocolate chips are a staple in my pantry so I kind of laughed. *Most people don't bake cookies in California.* I said, "I like to keep these on-hand because I have a lot of kids and I never know when we'll need to whip up a batch." She asked how many kids I had. When I told her she was clearly cabobbled, her mouth stayed open the rest of the transaction. She said, "What do your parents think of that?" It was a question I haven't been asked before. The novelty of our family amusing to people. She asked me if it was hard to manage them all- another question people don't really ask. I liked this girl, her raw honesty was pure. I told her that you learn how to manage a little as a time but that it really is a lot of work, but it's fun too. It was just another reminder to me that I am the luckiest girl in the whole world to have this miracle around me be my real life.
But I'm still a little nervous.
Hi B, congrats on the upcoming arrival of precious number 6! Yea! May I tell you something that may seem very far away right now? Someday, when you are old like me, which is 46, you'll be so glad for Baby Sutton #6. You know why? Babies Sutton #1-#4 will have flown the coop. The nest won't be so empty and you will be thankful for every day of this pregnancy because being an old mom is awesome! Now that Sean is out in the world, I am so grateful for this baby I had at 34, who is now 12. Drat! Who knows, maybe I'll adopt. I love being a mom.
ReplyDelete