Moody Blues
I was beyond tired last night, past irrational, into survival mode existence. What I missed in that last quote is that it said, "the end is not in sight..." The end for me is sight, in less than two weeks, and with that many joys are in store for me and my family. Just thought I should clear that up.
These wild swings of emotion that bounce me from one pole to the other with no warning, hence the word bi-polar, both frighten and consume me. Long ago after I got married, Dale and I made a trip back to Springfield where we met in college. We spent most of our weekend with my college roommate, Christina, who invited lots of our former friends and acquaintances to come and hang out while we were in town. One of the friends that came was also named Christina, Christina Todd. She and I had a deep spiritual connection during our time at school, but when we went separate ways, we lost touch. *I would love to find her, if you know how to get a hold of her!* What was shocking about her was that: a. She had gotten skinny, and b. She was in the midst of a spiritual transformation. She had just finished Dietrich Bonhoeffer's The Cost of Discipleship. The new CT was just awe-inspiring. The one thing she said that stuck with me is that she had learned that regardless of her hormones, her emotions, her feelings, she did not have the right to react according to their inclinations regardless of the situation. This was a colossal discovery for her because she was known for being wildly emotional and often erratic in her behavior because of that. I think of her during every pregnancy and consistently every month after, usually the recollection comes after I've said something I regretted to someone that didn't deserve it.
Part of me feels guilty that I do not control this bi-polar response to life when my hormone levels soar to new heights. The other part of me believes that I cannot control this bi-polar response. I know it's a lie; I am my own master in those times unless I chose to be a slave to righteousness, but I let myself believe it.
Sometimes a nap is really all I need. Last night I went to bed at 1AM, laid there awake until Dale came in, and then long after he fell asleep I finally drifted off. It might have been 2:30; I didn't ever look at the clock, it just raises my blood pressure when I've been lying in bed a long time wishing sleep would take me. Dale and I were watching some comedian one night talk about how crazy some of these mothers in the headlines were. He said that when his mom would get mad, she'd just go take a nap. This could very well be the best advice I've ever heard on parenting. Even Kennedy said yesterday, "I love it when you take a nap because when you wake up you're all sweet and nice."
Such is my life...
These wild swings of emotion that bounce me from one pole to the other with no warning, hence the word bi-polar, both frighten and consume me. Long ago after I got married, Dale and I made a trip back to Springfield where we met in college. We spent most of our weekend with my college roommate, Christina, who invited lots of our former friends and acquaintances to come and hang out while we were in town. One of the friends that came was also named Christina, Christina Todd. She and I had a deep spiritual connection during our time at school, but when we went separate ways, we lost touch. *I would love to find her, if you know how to get a hold of her!* What was shocking about her was that: a. She had gotten skinny, and b. She was in the midst of a spiritual transformation. She had just finished Dietrich Bonhoeffer's The Cost of Discipleship. The new CT was just awe-inspiring. The one thing she said that stuck with me is that she had learned that regardless of her hormones, her emotions, her feelings, she did not have the right to react according to their inclinations regardless of the situation. This was a colossal discovery for her because she was known for being wildly emotional and often erratic in her behavior because of that. I think of her during every pregnancy and consistently every month after, usually the recollection comes after I've said something I regretted to someone that didn't deserve it.
Part of me feels guilty that I do not control this bi-polar response to life when my hormone levels soar to new heights. The other part of me believes that I cannot control this bi-polar response. I know it's a lie; I am my own master in those times unless I chose to be a slave to righteousness, but I let myself believe it.
Sometimes a nap is really all I need. Last night I went to bed at 1AM, laid there awake until Dale came in, and then long after he fell asleep I finally drifted off. It might have been 2:30; I didn't ever look at the clock, it just raises my blood pressure when I've been lying in bed a long time wishing sleep would take me. Dale and I were watching some comedian one night talk about how crazy some of these mothers in the headlines were. He said that when his mom would get mad, she'd just go take a nap. This could very well be the best advice I've ever heard on parenting. Even Kennedy said yesterday, "I love it when you take a nap because when you wake up you're all sweet and nice."
Such is my life...
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