the not knowing

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The darkness in the distance felt like impending doom. I wasn’t afraid, but I was on guard against slowed traffic and hydroplaning vehicles. It was raining at the beginning of the trip, and with the rain came blinding lightning and crashing thunder. I wasn’t afraid, but I drove slowly and asked God for His help.


I tend to anticipate difficult days in every season. With each pregnancy I asked the Lord to prepare my heart for whatever was coming, in the event that something would go wrong. When I notice something off in my body, I promptly assume that my end draweth nigh and ask God to prepare my family for my death. Just last week I was having a scan done to rule out the end of me. 


My sister calls it my morbid fantasy; I call it being ready for anything. Maybe it’s just an idiosyncrasy that will always be part of me. At any rate, that’s what I felt as I approached these dark skies. I wasn’t afraid, but I was thankful when the rain stopped.


“Many plans are in a man’s heart, But the counsel of the LORD will stand... The fear of the LORD leads to life, So that one may sleep satisfied, untouched by evil.”

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭19:21, 23‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬

https://www.bible.com/bible/100/pro.19.21,23.nasb1995

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