awkward

 Dale and I were in our early 20s when we purchased our first cell phones. They didn’t have cameras or internet. They made and received phone calls and text messages, but there were limited messages and limited minutes, according to the plan you chose. It was all very basic.

I can’t even guess when phones started taking pictures, but I would imagine that I’ve been taking selfies for well over 20 years. I could do the research on that, but this isn’t that kind of post. It feels like it’s been over 20 years, and that’s what we’re going with. 

Yesterday I found this photo on my phone. 🤣🤣🤣 I couldn’t love it more. My boys make me laugh every single day. And also bring tears to my eyes because I love them so much it hurts a little. But I also love this because it’s me. For probably 15 of those 20ish years  I was taking overzealous, mouth wide open selfies because I just let it all out. If I felt it, it showed up in a selfie. Like a firehouse to the face.

Someone mercifully made me aware that I would not despise these classic photos so much if I would close my mouth. Turn the intensity down. Settle in a little, save some for later. 

Someone was right. And actually, if you are next to me for a selfie, I may have to take two because I still forget and let all my exuberance out in the first one. I forget to turn it down. My sister and I have laughed many times about how we come into a room hot and loud and people sometimes hate us for it. But there are many others that ride the tide of our intensity like a roller coaster.

We are the same in this. As much as I would love to be one of the cool girls that knows how to navigate people, it’s just not me. I’m going to laugh too loudly at your joke. I’m going to hug you when you don’t expect it. I might sit next to you and not say a single word because all the sudden I don’t know any. Or else I’m going to say something super awkward and then say ten more awkward things to cover it up and then laugh awkwardly and wish I could crawl in a hole and then, after all of it, regret ever saying a word for the rest of the week. It’s who I am. But I have embraced it. I give myself grace for awkward situations and conversations. And I will do the same for you because God designed us perfectly. But in that perfection, we are operating in a broken world where things don’t go like they’re supposed to and people are messy. It’s ok to be you, even if you’re a little too much. Age will refine you without taking the shine off. 

“For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from You, When I was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭139:13-15‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬

Lvb