obsession
I obsess over things. I’ve been obsessed with my weight since the 6th grade when I realized that I weighed more than most of the girls in my class. By 9th grade, I stopped growing. My health teacher posted a chart that showed that at 5’5”, I should weigh 125. That was what I weighed in the 6th grade. That number is branded into my brain.
I’ve been on the diet train ever since I became aware of my imperfect body image at 11 years old. Every diet I’ve ever heard of, I have either tried or considered. When I was in high school, I was watching an infomercial about a magic diet device. Before you ate anything unhealthy, you would sniff this devise, and you’d crave healthy food. For example, you could be looking at a chocolate cake, and after you sniffed the device, you would be content to eat a salad with no dressing. It was $70, which was a lot of money. (You could go to a movie on Friday night for $5 back then.) It appeared to help the people on TV lose weight without any actual work, so I got on the phone and ordered it. Back then you had to wait for things to come in the mail for weeks, so I obsessively checked the mailbox waiting for the magic cure to my imperfect body image, at 150 pounds.
You’ll be shocked to learn that it didn’t work. I did manage to get my money back, and I learned a valuable lesson about sales tactics that day. But I didn’t learn that diets don’t fix body image. For most of my adult life, I have wrestled with it, running to the altar of fad diets to heal me. Each time a new one comes along, I submerse myself in learning about it for months, and practice it for only a few weeks before another one comes along. My body has held my attention hostage for decades.
We were designed to worship. That’s why we are so enamored by celebrity. That’s why people get fixated on things like motorcycles, sourdough, fad diets, photography, gardening. People build their lives and identities around their thing. I’m not saying hobbies are bad; in fact hobbies are absolutely necessary! But in those subcultures you’ll find people that have actually become worshipers of their thing. They are completely sold out to it. They spend their money on it, their time doing and researching the thing. They talk about it constantly. They merge their identity with the thing.
There’s a fine line between being a hobbiest and worshiper. When you find yourself obsessing over anything that is not God, you are in danger of becoming a worshiper of your thing. Be watchful, darlings, and alert of the things that capture your attention because God is a jealous God and He will not share you. The enemy of your soul knows what you love. He will do anything to draw your attention away from the Living God.
“Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flow the springs of life.”
Proverbs 4:23 NASB1995
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