rest

 

Yesterday morning I flew out of bed in a hurry and raced through the day, flitting from here to there, getting things done before leaving town for the funeral. When we arrived, I was surrounded by people in my family that I haven’t seen in years. I wanted to hug everyone and kiss all the babies and hear everything and not miss out on anything, but I was moving too fast and couldn’t slow down. While I was snapping a selfie with my long-lost cousin, I noticed that my face was flushed. I was laughing too loudly. Smiling too intensely. Talking endlessly in a fevered pitch that climbed higher and higher. I couldn’t slow down and just enjoy being with my people and catching up on their stories. 

I’m always doing. Even in the car when I’m driving, I am making lists, writing memos, practicing speeches. I have lost the ability to be at rest. I don’t know what to do about it. It feels like a sickness. Always working, never accomplishing. I secretly believe that it is one of my strengths to be busy when there is nothing to do. But I know it’s not, because I sacrifice time with people for busyness, to my own shame, even if my busyness is playing sudoku. 

Merciful God, teach me what it means to practice a regular Sabbath. I know it would change me.

But o what a death it is to strive and labor to be always in a hurry and yet do nothing! 

Valley of vision

Pg 322