End of the Day

This morning I wrote down everything I did.
I intend to AUDIT everything in my life.
My time.
My groceries.
The housework.
I have this idea that my days are
full of a lot of nothing.
So I'm starting with my time.
According to my log
I am busy.
All day long I am busy doing stuff.
Most of my time is spent
making food and feeding children.
And running to the store.
Which tells me
A: I need to be more organized in
     shopping, menu planning, and meal prep.
B: I need to delegate more of this stuff.
If could just be more organized...

Here's something else I have been thinking about.
I spend part of my days scowling.
I used to smile all the time.
I would realize that in my exhaustion
I was smiling.
It was my default.
Not anymore.
Kennedy tells me that I look like I want to kill someone.
Yipes!
I want you to see me smiling, not scowling,
at any given moment.
I used to know this gal that was mean.
She was mean as heck to her kids
and other kids.
And to grown ups.
Everyone tip-toed around her feelings
or avoided her altogether.
She had a rough life, it's true.
She had good reason to be angry.
But no one cared why she was mean all the time,
it was just common knowledge that she was
always mean.
I don't wanna be that girl.
I want to be the one that always responds with
a gentle answer.
I want to be that girl on Wolverine that has
the power of persuasion in her touch.
But I want to earn it by
always responding with
a gentle answer.
It turns away wrath.
(sighs heavily)

I'll try again tomorrow.

lvb